


Comfort Crowd

by yellowdinka



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Christmas Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Han Jisung | Han-centric, I mean kind of it's around Christmas time, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Minor Original Character(s), New Year's Eve, Panic Attacks, Physical and emotional abuse, Relationship(s), Side Chanlix, Smoking, Strangers to Friends, Strangers to Lovers, Trust Issues, also 3racha, but ot8 in general, hyunsung are really good friends, mentioned recreational drug use, nothing too explicit but it is talked about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:54:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28028871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowdinka/pseuds/yellowdinka
Summary: Jisung is a creature of habit. He has a specific routine, very few friends and he likes to stay in. He isn't fond of change. He always thought he was satisfied living like that. Everything changes, though, when his roommate introduces him to his dance partners.(This summary is so bad, I swear I'll write another one when I'm inspired, but basically I wrote this story because I missed my friends a lot and I was sad I couldn't spend Christmas with them, so if you like friendships and romance, you've come to the right place!)
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 32
Kudos: 206





	1. Lust for life

**Author's Note:**

> I suck at titles so every chapter and the story are named after songs that I felt reflected the vibe well?
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy and please leave feedback!

On a Friday afternoon, the city looked like it was awakening. The restaurants about to open, the people going back from work to dress up for the night, the students coming home from afterhours to study some more.

"I'm lucky" Jisung thought while he was getting off the metro. Today was his day off, he wasn't in a hurry and he didn't even have anything to do later. Tonight he could just relax.

If it wasn't for his dumbass roommate forgetting his keys at home, he probably wouldn't even have gone out the whole day, but they were friends after all and for all the times Jisung had locked himself out of the apartment and Hyunjin came to his rescue, he figured he probably owed him.

So there he was, at 7pm trying to get to his friend’s dance studio and go back to lounge on the couch as soon as humanly possible. A regular Friday.

He went to the address Hyunjin sent him and awkwardly entered the building. He was relieved to see no one was at the front desk to greet him and because no one was in sight, he followed the loud music he could hear coming from one of the practice rooms. The door was already open, so he just silently slipped inside, curious, and tried to blend in with the wall as much as possible.

Three boys were dancing intensely and Jisung recognized his roommate as one of them. He was surprised to see how good they were. He knew Hyunjin had been dancing for a few years but he had never seen him perform and the fluidity and musicality in his movements left him impressed. Alongside him, there were a petite grey-haired boy with blue contacts and another one with chestnut hair. Even though the latter had the most natural look out of the three ( Hyunjin truly wasn't subtle with his bright pink floss hair) he definitely stood out. The way his body moved almost demanded attention and he looked like he owned the room. Jisung felt himself shiver just thinking about it, he would never have that much confidence.

The music soon ended and chestnut boy caught his gaze in the mirror, raising a questioning eyebrow, probably wondering why a complete stranger was creepily watching them.

"Enjoying the show?" 

He asked, before taking a sip of water from his bottle, nonchalantly. 

Jisung flinched, as he didn’t expect him to acknowledge his presence at all. He wanted to bolt out of the room and never look back, realizing how bad of a first impression he just made. Before he could though, Hyunjin was squeezing him in a bone-crushing hug, greeting him happily. 

"Aww Jisungie, you didn't get lost!" 

Jisung scowled and lightly pushed him away. 

"Get off of me, you're all sweaty" 

"Shut up, you love my hugs" 

Hyunjin said, using the few centimeters he had on his friend to pat him mockingly on his blonde head.

"Sure, I'd love them even more if I didn't have to go all the way across Seoul to get one" 

Jin rolled his eyes. 

“Don’t be dramatic, it’s just a few stops. Come on lazy, just give me the keys so you can go back home" 

The grey-haired boy approached them hopping excitedly, a wide smile on his face. It was honestly beyond Jisung’s comprehension how he had so much energy after the routine he just saw. 

"Jinnie, is this your roommate?" 

Hyunjin nodded. 

"Oh yeah, how rude of me, I didn't even introduce you! Jisung, this is.." 

"Felix!" 

The boy beamed and stretched his hand. 

Jisung shook it hesitantly, he hoped his hand wasn't too clammy, meeting strangers always made him nervous. 

"I'm Jisung, nice to meet you" 

Hyunjin laughed in his face. 

“Oh, please drop the formalities, I can’t take you seriously, I forgot how different you get around people you don't know" 

Jisung punched his arm, mildly offended. 

"Not everyone can be a social butterfly like you! I didn't even know I was going to meet someone new today" 

Felix smiled at him kindly. 

"Don't worry, it's on us, we were supposed to finish half an hour ago" 

Chestnut boy, who had taken his shoes off and was massaging his toes in the meantime, raised his voice at the other side of the room.

"It's on me actually, I kept them overtime. Minho" 

He added at the end, like an afterthought. He got up and scrolled towards them. He didn’t offer his hand. 

"Jisung" 

He repeated, trying not to tremble under the other’s intense stare.

"I heard" 

The atmosphere kind of tensed around them, so Felix laughed and intervened before it got uncomfortable. 

“Why are you still wearing those shoes, Min? You should buy a new pair before you actually hurt your feet”

Minho shrugged.

“They’re expensive, I’ll get a good pair when I can afford them”

Felix rolled his eyes at his cold tone.

“I'm hungry, can we go to that ramen place that opened the other day? I think it still has a discount" . 

"Sure, but we should shower before, don't forget or you'll get sick" 

Minho reminded him using caring words, despite his face that had remained serious throughout the exchange.

Felix laughed. 

"It was one time!" 

Then he waved and followed Minho, who did not say goodbye, towards the changing rooms. “At least one of them has manners” Jisung thought.

Hyunjin stretched his hand. 

He looked at him, confused. 

"What? You want to shake my hand too?" 

The pink-haired boy laughed. 

"The keys, dummy, so you can get back to your lovely sofa" 

"Oh right" 

Jisung looked in his tote bag and handed them to his roommate when he got a hold on them. 

"How long are you going to stay out? If you come back at three in the morning, do not wake me up" 

Hyunjin smiled. 

"Don't worry, I'm seeing my girlfriend tonight, maybe I won't even come home" 

"Oh, so that's why you wanted the keys" 

"You know I would invite her over, if you weren’t around all the time" 

He complained.

“Fuck you, next time you'll ask me a favor I'll remember this conversation" 

Sung crossed his arms, sulking and Hyunjin laughed, knowing his roommate was too kind to actually refuse to help him. He hugged him again and made his way to the changing rooms. 

Jisung let out a long breath once he was alone.

"That didn't go terribly" he sighed, relieved. He went back to the front door, ready to go, but as soon as he stepped outside he saw it was raining heavily and stopped in his tracks. Of course he did not think to bring an umbrella with him when he went out. He looked at his vintage leather jacket, definitely not enough to protect him from getting drenched. He leaned back against the wall and lit a cigarette, covered by the roofing. It was cold, but he was so frustrated with his stupidity that he needed to smoke. He still felt nervous after meeting Hyunjin’s dance partners as well.

Only after a few drags, the door opened and Minho, now dressed in high-waisted black jeans and a purple raincoat, stepped out. Sighing he too leaned against the wall, beside him.

They stayed there, both of them silent, staring in the distance.

He felt like he had to say something, because this boy in particular seemed to hate his guts, but his mind was blank.

"Do you have..."

Jisung turned abruptly towards him when he heard him speak.

Minho pointed to the cigarette and quickly Jisung pulled out another one and held it towards the other boy, who caught it with his lips.

Jisung found himself looking straight in his eyes, just like the other was doing and he never let his gaze drop while he lighted the cigarette.

Minho's eyes were dark and mysterious, just like him, and a glint of mischief or amusement crossed them when he exhaled the smoke right in Jisung's face, making him cough.

"I knew you were a smoker"

Minho said, when Jisung's breath came back to normal.

"What gave it away?"

"Your bag literally says 'I smoke because killing people is unacceptable for society's standards'"

The blonde laughed.

"Oh yeah I forgot about that"

He looked at Minho and if he thought he was beautiful before, he was sure now that he saw him up close. In the faint lights of the night, calmly smoking in the rain, his hair softly falling on his forehead. It felt like a scene straight out of a movie. 

"You're pretty observant"

Stated Jisung. 

"Says the boy who has been staring at me for the last five minutes"

Jisung turned his head, blushing violently and looking away. Minho giggled.

"I thought athletes shouldn't smoke"

The shyer boy replied, trying to change the topic.

"I don't"

Jisung looked at him again, his eyes wide, this guy really was unbelievable. Minho winked at him and giggled again seeing him turn redder.

Hyunjin and Felix came out shouting, talking animatedly. Minho put out the cigarette and threw it away before they could see it.

"Ji, you're still here?"

Asked Hyunjin when he saw him.

"It's raining"

He stated the obvious.

Felix opened his yellow umbrella and linked their arms.

"I don't have a spare one but there's plenty space for you too, have you eaten yet? You should join us! "

Jisung didn't even have the time to refuse, that the grey-haired boy was already dragging him with them. It was easy to get sucked in his excitement anyway, and slowly Jisung got hyper as well, his true personality coming out now that he felt more comfortable around the group.

The four soon found themselves sitting at a table, eating at that place the boy had mentioned previously. On the way there Felix and Jisung jumped in some puddles they encountered, playing like little kids, so now they were panting and couldn’t stop laughing. They only shut up when the food arrived and Minho unceremoniously told them to eat instead of bothering the other costumers with their noises.

"Food with a discount always tastes better"

Said Jisung between bites.

"A student discount though"

Hyunjin added, looking contentious at Felix.

"How was I supposed to know the promotion was so short? We're eating good ramen at a low price so you shouldn't be complaining"

Minho sighed at their bickering.

"Hyunjin shut up and eat, the faster you do that, the faster you can go to your girlfriend and leave us alone"

The pink-haired boy looked at him offended but obeyed anyway.

Felix turned to him.

"So, what do you study Jisung?"

He took a sip of his soda and cleared his voice before answering.

"Uh, I'm a music major"

Lix smiled wide., enhancing the freckles that adorned his cheeks.

"Wow, you must be good to pursue it professionally, what do you play?"

Jisung felt a little shy again, being the center of attention at the table.

"A bit of guitar and piano, but mainly I write and produce songs"

"That's so cool!"

Jisung laughed at his genuine reaction.

"Are you all dance majors?"

Minho shook his head.

"I study biology, dance is more of an hobby"

Hyunjin scoffed.

"You say that, but you spend just as much time as us practicing"

"Yeah, well someone needs to keep you two in check"

He said as he fondly pinched the fellow dancers' cheeks.

"You're really good though"

The compliment slipped past Jisung’s lips before he could stop it, but he tried to make it seem intentional by looking directly at Minho.

"You all are"

He turned to the other two.

Felix laughed.

"Why has Hyunjin never introduced you before?"

"Actually I've tried various times, but Jisung always managed to get out of it”

Hyunjin chimed in, feeling unfairly called out.

Jisung looked down, sure that his face was getting red.

"You're making me look bad! I'm just not the going out type, I don't like clubs or things like that"

"Pity"

Said Minho, making him look up confused. This guy didn’t make any sense. Was he being sarcastic?

Felix nodded in excitement.

"We should definitely change that, next time we go out we'll drag you too"

Hyunjin laughed.

"If you two manage to do that I'll be eternally grateful to you"

Jisung groaned.

"I'm not that bad, I hang out too sometimes"

"Yeah, to work on music with your friends from university, that doesn't count! ”

Ji just sighed and silently accepted defeat, he knew his friend wasn't entirely wrong. He never understood what people found in mixing themselves with hundreds of strangers, all squeezed in tight rooms elbowing each other constantly. Crowds made him anxious and they smelled terrible too, so he just spared himself the torture.

Hyunjin looked at his phone and got up.

"Well, I gotta go, please treat our dear Sungie well, byee"

Jisung glared at him for using the nickname to embarrass him and didn't bid him goodbye. 

Jin smiled and waved to them as he got out.

"I wasn't joking you know, you’re fun. We go out to eat after practice at least once a week, you should come next time too"

Felix said as he started to collect his stuff.

Jisung shrugged and didn’t answer.

"Why not?"

Asked Minho.

The blonde turned to look at him. There was a joking glint in his eyes but he definitely didn't seem like he was making fun of him, which Jisung was afraid of after he noticed he barely spoke all night.

"Sure, why not"

Assured Jisung, still looking at him.

Minho squinted his eyes and raised a hand to his face. 

"You know you have some sauce on your chin?" 

Jisung frantically picked up his napkin and rubbed his skin. Realizing only after a while that there was nothing there. 

Minho giggled, but this time Felix and Jisung laughed as well and it all felt extremely natural for them. 

It was something different from the usual, but maybe he could get used to it.


	2. Into the unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a depiction of a panic attack, so please if you know reading it could bother you skip it! Other than that this chapter is really soft, so enjoy!

Unexpectedly Friday dinners did become a thing. Felix always managed to rope Jisung in, wether they were actually going somewhere to eat, ordering in or just buying stuff from the convenience store.

Soon Hyunjin had added him to a chat with the four of them and as the arrangement went on, Jisung opened up more and more.

Felix was like a sparkling ray of light, always raising the mood, baking sweets when he knew the others were having a hard day, not to mention that he was a great listener: it was easy to be friends with him.

Hyunjin was already close with him and being in the same group only cemented that, letting him in on a few inside jokes he didn't understand before.

Minho, however, despite all the chats and the meals they had shared, remained a mystery. Jisung just guessed that he either kept to himself, or he really didn't like him.

That's how he explained his often cold behavior towards him, the glares and the silent treatment he received the majority of the time. He knew that he wasn't like that when it was just the three dancers and this fact made him question if he was intruding, if he actually didn't want him to be there and didn't say anything because he had already leeched onto them. He wondered if he did something wrong to Minho for him to want to stay away from him as far as possible.

But there were rare times that the elder would text him about something cute his cats did, or put his arm around his shoulders when they were sitting next to each other, play fight with their feet under the table until they were both giggly messes. 

And in those moments he felt like they were indeed close.

A pair of months passed before the first time Jisung and Minho hung out alone.

It was supposed to be a Friday dinner all together, his new normal, and they made plans to meet up near the Christmas tree newly installed in the big square near their studio. November was about to end and the city definitely showed it.

Jisung arrived late and basically shoved people out of his way to run to the place. He saw Minho and immediately bowed and started apologizing.

"Sorry, the train got delayed and I couldn't find my-"

The boy stopped as soon as he looked around to see they were the only ones present.

"Wait am I on time? Did I get it wrong? I could swear we said-"

Minho cut him off, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Stop rambling, take a breath, you still haven't recovered from running here"

Jisung inhaled deeply, while looking the older boy in the eyes.

"Thank you, uhm, are the others coming?"

He shook his head.

"Felix's mother apparently has demanded that he spends the evening on a video call with her, because he hasn't been keeping her updated as much as she wants and he likes to say he's the favorite, so I guess he wants to keep his spot"

Jisung nodded, he did recall Felix talking fondly about his family back in Australia.

"Hyunjin had to pick up a shift because someone called in sick last minute"

"Oh"

Replied the younger stupidly.

"So it's just me"

Jisung laughed nervously and put a hand at the nape of his neck, rubbing the spot.

"It was nice for you to wait for me and tell me in person, but you could have texted. I made you wait and it's cold"

Minho shrugged.

"You weren't even that late and it all happened last minute, so I figured you were already on your way"

"Well, thank you"

Jisung smiled and soon the other was mirroring his expression.

They stood there for a moment, before the dancer gripped his wrist and started walking.

"What- what are you doing?"

Minho didn't even look back to answer him.

"Are you not hungry?"

"I am but..."

Jisung struggled to express his confusion.

"No buts, there are so many street food stands I want to try and you'll have to share with me so I don't get too full"

"Alright when you put it that way... I guess I can't refuse food"

Minho gasped and brought a hand up to his chest dramatically.

"Isn't my company enough?" 

Jisung laughed and teased him. 

"Sure, name your price" 

"Why, you want to be my sugar daddy?" 

The blonde spluttered, blushing at the joke. 

"I- I didn't-" 

Minho let out a loud laugh and some people around them gave them strange looks. 

Jisung sinked his head between his shoulders and lowered his eyes to the ground, suddenly feeling nervous. 

The older noticed it and stopped in his tracks, letting go of his arm and turning to him. 

Sung panicked and grabbed his hand, looking at him with scared eyes. 

"Please don't let go" 

Minho's eyes went wide and he blinked a few times, processing the situation. He slowly put a reassuring hand on his cheek and made him keep eye contact. 

"I won't, I won't, keep breathing, alright? If you need to squeeze something you can use my hand" 

He did just that and the other kept whispering comforting words as they made it outside the crowd. 

They found a bench hidden behind a large tree and Minho made him sit, crouching on the ground to keep on his level, now holding both of his hands. 

The boy was glad they weren't near other people anymore but he still couldn't stabilize his breathing and tears of frustration spilled from his eyes. 

Minho dried them with one hand, the other still holding Jisung's. 

"Can you tell me 5 things you can see?" 

The blonde nodded slightly. 

"Uh the tree, that blue stand, the girl with the red coat, the lights, the Christmas tree, d-did I say tree twice?" 

Minho smiled. 

"Still counts, 4 things you can touch" 

"Your hand, the bench, the ground, my rings" 

"You're doing good, now 3 things you can hear" 

"Your voice, the music... the frying oil" 

He brushed his thumb over Jisung's hand, relieved after hearing that he was calming down. 

"You're almost there, 2 things you can smell" 

"Apple cider, Chocolate" 

"And one you can taste" 

"Coffee, I had coffee just before I got here" 

Jisung breathed deeply, now feeling a lot calmer. 

He looked down at the chestnut boy and gave him an embarrassed smile. 

"Thank you, I'm sorry I freaked out" 

The older smiled back and disentangled their fingers to get up. 

"You don't have to apologize, do you feel better?" 

He nodded, still kind of shocked. 

"Do you want to go home? I understand if you don't want to be around people now" 

"No, no, I can stay, just... can we seat here for a while?" 

Minho sat beside him and threw his head back on the backrest, shutting his eyes. 

"How did you know?" 

He opened them when he heard him and arched his eyebrows, encouraging him to explain further. 

"How did you know how to calm me down?" 

"Oh, I used to get them too. A while ago" 

Jisung nodded. 

"I get anxious around strangers, I usually manage but when I'm in a crowd sometimes it gets bad" 

Minho rubbed his hands together, as if he was trying to warm them up. 

"I kinda figured. When we first met you were so nervous, a completely different person from the brat we heard in Hyunjin's stories" 

The blonde hit his leg lightly with his own. 

"I'm not a brat! And fuck you, of course I was nervous I made the worst first impression in the history of first impressions" 

Minho laughed. 

"You did look like a creep, but after I saw your cute face I was convinced you were harmless" 

Did he just call him cute? Jisung registered this information at the back of his mind, trying not to overanalyze things.

"Look, you weren't any better, you stole one of my cigarettes and ignored me the rest of the night" 

"I didn't ignore you, I'm just a man of few words, you should have understood that by now" 

The younger rolled his eyes. 

"I do, but it's unnerving sometimes, I feel like you'll be nice to me as long as we are with the others and then you'll stab me in an alley if you catch me alone at night. I really don't get you" 

Jisung was joking, but there was a foundation of truth in what he was saying. He really couldn't read Minho. 

He laughed again, loudly. 

"Do I look like a serial killer to you?" 

"I mean, out of the four of us? You’re the most likely" 

"You're probably right, you and Hyunjin are too much of a scaredy cat, Felix though? It's always the innocent looking ones that get you"

"True that" 

They both went silent for a moment, Jisung was looking at the ground, his tacit question felt heavy in the air around them. Minho shifted in his seat and turned to him, requesting his attention.

"Jisung, I don't know about you, but in my life I follow a very simple set of morals. My first rule is to be always honest to myself and to others. I don't say things just for the sake of it, I always mean it. I don't do things just because, I do them 'cause I want to and they make me happy"

The boy didn't fully understand where he was going with this and couldn’t do anything besides looking at him straight in the eyes. 

"So if I hang out with you it's because I genuinely like you, understood? Don't second guess yourself" 

"U-understood" 

Minho got up and gestured for him to follow him. 

He did too and he was relieved to feel he was steady on his feet. 

"You know, I think I should be the sugar daddy, I'm older than you anyway" 

He whispered in his ear, suddenly, having gotten close without the other realizing it. 

Jisung jumped at that and Minho laughed, making his way towards a stand that was selling fries. 

"Ya! You can't just say that!" 

"Come on Sungie! You're slow! Are you going to treat me for being a good friend or not?" 

He did end up paying for the fries, the tteokbokki and the mandu. But Minho bought him a chocolate, donuts to share, and he fed him bites of whatever he was eating, although Jisung suspected it was more to see him blushing, which really seemed to amuse him, and less out of kindness. 

They also looked at some stands that sold jewelry and other gifts ideas they could get their friends, but ultimately ended up bickering if Hyunjin was more of a fake gold or fake silver kind if guy and they decided they should probably get it somewhere else on their own. 

When they saw a vintage stand, Jisung's gaze lingered on a pair of dangly earrings with a safety pin attached, but he also spotted some really cool band pins next to them that his friends from class would love, so he got them instead, deciding to not be selfish. 

When they reached a ring toss stand Minho grabbed him by the arm and made them stop.

"You wanna play?"

Jisung asked, although his question was mostly rhetorical. 

"Yeah and I hope you aren't a sore loser"

"What? Because you're the Lord of the Rings?"

He couldn't help laughing at his own joke and Minho facepalmed.

"That is so lame"

The blonde kept chuckling and looked up at the prizes.

The ones on the lower shelves were the ones which needed the least points and as expected they weren't really interesting, but the ones on the highest shelf caught his attention. There were some colourful water guns, a few phone covers and half of it was filled with soft looking plushies that Jisung absolutely wanted to hug and bring home with him.

A squirrel holding an acorn was particularly cute and he smiled looking at it.

This time they each paid for their ticket and just as Minho predicted, he made a lot more points than him, scoring ring after ring.

"Holy shit, you really are good!"

The older grinned while throwing another one.

"My aim has always been excellent, you may call me a child prodigy, when I was little I think I irrevocably wounded my father's pride when we played and he lost by an even larger margin than you are right now"

Jisung pouted.

"That's not fair! You took me here just to humiliate me"

Minho smirked. 

"Keep throwing Sung"

Of course, he won and Jisung couldn't hide his surprise when the prize he chose was the plushie he was ogling before.

Minho pushed it in his arms and winked.

"It's you"

"Uh?"

Mumbled the younger boy.

"You look like a squirrel, so it's only fair that you stay with your kind"

He looked down at the stuffed animal in his hands and then showed him a bright smile, so wide his eyes almost closed.

Minho blinked a few times and then gave him a smile of his own. 

When they were walking to the station, Jisung didn't feel drained like he did every time he went out, didn't care that it was late or that his nose was freezing. He felt strangely warm inside and giggly. 

That night when Hyunjin got back from work and started apologizing, he just shushed him gently and smiled at him, saying goodnight. 

Something in him was definitely changing, but maybe he didn't mind it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kind of late where I live but I usually don't sleep a lot anyway, so I thought I would finish this and post it because I want to post the last chapter on New Year's Eve. 
> 
> The Lord of the Rings joke made me laugh for a full minute the first time I thought about it because that is exactly my kind of humor and it makes my friends facepalm too lmao.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter and please leave feedback because it is always greatly appreciated!


	3. Scrawny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3racha best friends+impromptu pillow fights
> 
> I tried to make the text distinguishable from the usual dialogue but I really don't know how it works here, so I failed, I hope you can still understand :(
> 
> As usual the title is what I was listening to when I was writing the chapter, but it could also kinda fit Jisung's character? I love Wallows, I've been obsessed with their music since they collared with Clairo. If you haven't noticed music is the only thing that keeps me going right now, lmao. Anyways, good reading!

Monday mornings sucked. Jisung couldn't find anything salvageable about them and that day sucked in particular. Not only was he behind on a few assignments because of his procrastination habits, but he was also running late, again, because he didn't hear his alarm and slept a full thirty minutes before he realized. It could have been worse, but he was extremely frustrated by the fact he had to run and start the day without his coffee. He had a very precise morning routine: he woke up at 7:05, opening his eyes after two rings of the tone, washed up, got dressed, checked that all the locks were closed from the night before, just in case anything happened while he was asleep. Then he ate something frugal, not even bothering to sit, brushed his teeth for exactly 3 minutes. He filled his backpack with the things he would need for classes, he put his earbuds on and went out to get the metro. Even if his roommate was still in the house, he checked that the door was locked twice before running down the stairs. On the way to his university he stopped at a coffee shop that was the perfect balance between decent and cheap. That was it, nothing too out of the ordinary and the only way he could be calm throughout the day. He had just a few problems with the foolproof routine: the first one was, everyone thought it was weird and made fun of him for it. When Hyunjin had caught onto it a couple of weeks after they moved in together, he called him paranoid and obsessive. By now he had profusely apologized for it and got used to it, but those words had echoed in Jisung’s mind for a long time and he still thought about them sometimes. This was easily solved though, he simply never mentioned it to anyone and asked the few people who did know about it to keep it for themselves. The second one wasn't as much of a simple fix. The routine took quite some time to go through the rituals, so whenever he did wake up later, even if it was still early he panicked. That day it wasn’t so bad, he only skipped one step, but he was annoyed nonetheless.

Chan and Changbin felt that immediately when he walked inside the recording booth, their usual hang out place when they worked on music together.

"Let me guess, you woke up late?"

Chuckled Chan.

Jisung groaned and let himself fall on the chair heavily.

"It's not funny, this is the worst way to begin the week and now you two have to deal with it"

Changbin took one of his earbud off and scoffed.

"Lucky us"

He ignored the obvious sarcasm and pulled out his computer and notebook from his backpack.

"You should be more grateful considering I was really productive this weekend and I wrote possible lyrics for both of your pieces. Maybe I should just keep them to myself"

His friends turned towards him, now with pleading eyes.

"Come on Sung we didn't even tease you that much"

He rolled his eyes and handed them the pad open on the pages he talked about.

After all they were right, it was just him being extremely grumpy.

While he waited for their feedback he unlocked his phone and saw a notification from Minho. He opened it and unconsciously smiled when he saw a picture of him with a stray cat he found on his way to the university. Since Friday they started chatting more, almost every day. They would send a text about something random they saw on the street or something funny that happened and end up texting back and forth, stopping only when they were asleep. He quickly replied with a smiley face and then added 

" _at least someone is having a good morning _"__

__He was about to put his phone down, because he realized it was rude when he should be focusing on his course mates but Minho had responded right away and he couldn’t leave him waiting._ _

__" _Did something happen_?"__

__

__

____" _Not really, I was just late and couldn't stop at the coffee shop_ "____

____  
  


Minho saw the message but didn't write anything back, Jisung thought he just killed the conversation and tried to think of something else to say, but before he could Changbin cleared his voice to get his attention. 

______He sighed and put his phone in his pocket._ _ _ _ _ _

______"So? Do you like it?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Chan nodded and shot him a thumbs up._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I like them, they go well with the light tone of the melody, but I might change something just to make them resonate with me more"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Of course, thank you Chan"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Changbin seemed deep in thought when he spoke._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I agree, but I'm a bit surprised to hear a love song from you"_ _ _ _ _ _

______He spluttered, taken aback._ _ _ _ _ _

______“A-a what now? And even if, why would you be surprised? "_ _ _ _ _ _

______"No need to get worked up Jisung, I'm just saying I've never seen you write one before"_ _ _ _ _ _

______He took his notebook from their hands and read for the hundredth time his lyrics._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Ok, but this isn't a love song"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Bin arched one of his brows and took it back._ _ _ _ _ _

______"My heart's fluttering? Feelings that I can't explain? With your hand in mine I feel safe? Am I interpreting these wrong? What other meaning could they have?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung searched his memory, trying to remember what he was thinking about when he wrote them. It must have been Friday night, he felt jittery and couldn't sleep, so he had channeled his energy into something creative._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Ok, I can see how taken out of context they might seem like it, but... but... "_ _ _ _ _ _

______He couldn't find the words to defend himself._ _ _ _ _ _

______Changbin and Chan shared a look._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Alright Ji, when you want to talk about it, we're here"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Said Chan, a reassuring smile on his face that only riled him up more._ _ _ _ _ _

______"There's nothing to talk about, if you want to change the lyrics you can and if you don't you can interpret them however you want. That's always up to the ones listening anyway"_ _ _ _ _ _

______His friends just nodded and put their headphones on, going back to their own work._ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung exhaled and got more comfortable in his chair. He knew he was being difficult and his friends weren't even prying to begin with, they weren’t the type, but he couldn't help his jumpy state. Changbin and Chan were chill. Always cool and focused on their goals. They worked well together and he was comfortable just sharing his space with them, all three working silently but ready to help and take their mind off things when needed. They fit perfectly, like a well oiled engine. That’s what he liked best about them._ _ _ _ _ _

______His phone buzzing distracted him from his train of thoughts and he scrambled to pick up the call as soon as he saw the name of the caller._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Hello? Minho?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______He whispered, not wanting to disturb the others._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Where are you exactly in the music wing?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______He said without greeting, like they were already in the middle of a conversation._ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung furrowed his eyebrows, beyond confused._ _ _ _ _ _

______"In a recording booth, why? Did you need something?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Is it the long red corridor with the black doors? That kind of looks like a hotel?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______He continued, without answering his questions._ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung ignored the looks he was getting from Chan and got up, peeking his head out the door._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Yes, uhm... "_ _ _ _ _ _

______Minho was, in fact, strolling casually towards him, holding two cups in his hands._ _ _ _ _ _

______When he saw him he smirked and stretched one of the cups towards him._ _ _ _ _ _

______The blonde looked at him with wide eyes and took it, still speechless._ _ _ _ _ _

______"T-thank you, I- you really didn't have to"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Minho shrugged and took a sip from his own cup._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I already wanted an iced americano, I chose the same for you, I didn't really know what you liked"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung inhaled the aroma that was coming off the cup._ _ _ _ _ _

______"That's my usual order too, actually"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Then I guess it was fate"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Minho winked and Ji drank from the cup, trying to hide his blushing cheeks._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I didn't even know we went to the same university"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"I've seen you around campus before"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Explained the elder._ _ _ _ _ _

______"And you never said hello?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Minho giggled. He really liked that sound, he realized, now that they were alone and he wasn’t so tense he felt like he was listening to it for the first time. The chestnut boy had a unique kind of laugh, that vaguely reminded him of an evil witch, although in a good way. It managed to cheer him up as well. Maybe if he had it as a ringtone he wouldn’t be late every day._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Well, I brought you coffee, so I made up for it, haven't I?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung smiled looking down, still avoiding his eyes as his face wasn’t any less red._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Did you skip class to get it?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______He teased him instead._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Don't flatter yourself Sungie, this was my break. I had an early class and my next one begins in about ten minutes"_ _ _ _ _ _

______He finally raised his gaze and locked eyes with him._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Oh, so you have to go soon?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______The other nodded, without breaking eye contact._ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung gulped, he wanted to blurt out the first thing he had on his mind just to break the tension that had created between the two, but something kept him from ruining the moment._ _ _ _ _ _

______Minho was the first one to look away, he turned around and gave him a nod as he started walking._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Don't miss me too much, alright?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______The blonde looked at his back as he watched him go. He wished he would turn back to look at him, just once._ _ _ _ _ _

______He took a step forward._ _ _ _ _ _

______"WAIT"_ _ _ _ _ _

______It came out louder than he intended, he hoped the other people in the rooms next to them didn’t hear him. It was worth it though, even if they did, because Minho stopped and indeed turned his head back._ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung smiled really wide and raised his cup._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I'll give you the best Christmas present to pay you back!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Minho blinked a few times, his long eyelashes perfectly enhanced his warm brown eyes, Jisung noticed. Chestnut, just like his hair. Chestnuts have spiny sharp outsides, but when you open them their taste is sweet and familiar. The nickname fit him well, even though he would never call him that to his face._ _ _ _ _ _

______The older barely hid his own smile as he kept walking in the direction he came from._ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung was still giggly when he closed the door and sat back in the chair._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Who was that?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Asked Changbin._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Minho, he’s one of Jin’s friends”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Chan nodded as his eyes lit up._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Ooooh he’s one of the guests of your exclusive Friday dinners”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The blonde pouted, getting defensive. One Friday he declined their offer to hang out to see the dancers and they hadn’t let him live it down since._ _ _ _ _ _

______“They’re not exclusive it’s just that I’m barely in the group to begin with, so I don’t know if I can invite you”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Bin scoffed and slightly shook his head._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Are you sure you aren't just overthinking it? You seemed pretty close with the coffee guy”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He smiled and looked down at the cup._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m not sure if I am to be honest, he’s kind of unpredictable. I’ve known him and Felix since September and I could probably count on my fingers the number of times we spoke. He always looks at me like he wants to punch me. Before Friday I thought he hated me”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Why? What happened?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hyunjin and Felix had other things to do, so it was just the two of us and at first I was… nervous, I wanted to leave, but he started acting like, well, like he didn’t mind being there with me, he was kind to me, he gave me the prize he won at the fair. I think we’re finally becoming friends”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The boys exchanged a look of amusement and Changbin grinned._ _ _ _ _ _

______”Friends? That sounds like a date”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung felt his ears getting warmer, but didn't hesitate to bite back._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s not, you’re just reading into it because you haven’t been seeing anyone for months”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Says you, the virgin”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’M NOT!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The blonde got up, ready to fight Bin. Chan laughed and put his hands on both their shoulders, soothing them before the situation got heated._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Settle down you two and Bin, stop teasing him”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“But Channie, he’s the one who provoked me!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Changbin said in a cutesy voice that made him cringe right after, like the other two boys. They looked at each other and started cackling._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I hate to say it, but I have to admit you’ll never lose an argument when you do that”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung commented as he swiped a few tears off his cheeks._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I know, it’s my secret weapon, you may borrow it only if you pay me royalties”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Chan raised his eyebrows._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t need to spend money if I’m right”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The blonde whistled and excitedly slapped the eldest’s shoulders._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Ji you should invest in it though”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He added teasingly. Sung pouted and gave him a harsher slap as his friends laughed. When they calmed down they got back to their seats_ _ _ _ _ _

______Changbin looked at him like he wanted to add something, but shut his mouth. While he was reading the lyrics again, though, he mumbled._ _ _ _ _ _

______"So that's why"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"What?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sung asked absentmindedly, immersed in what he was doing._ _ _ _ _ _

______"God, you're dense"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Exclaimed Chan and they both started laughing._ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung would have usually gotten mad for that but he just finished his coffee and started humming while he put his headphones on. Despite the weird conversation he had with his friends, he still felt a lot better after getting caffeine in him. It was part of his routine after all and even if he had been bending it a little, he could never break it. Although he could get used to Minho bringing him coffee._ _ _ _ _ _

______Maybe Monday didn't suck after all._ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______That Friday all of them were so tired that they opted to go to Minho’s apartment, the closest to the studio, and watch a movie there. As soon as they were in, Hyunjin and Felix threw themselves on the couch, already familiar with the place. Jisung stood by the door, hesitating to come in. The older noticed it and grabbed his wrist, pulling him in with a smile._ _ _ _ _ _

______The dancers had been to his and Jin’s place before and they went to Felix’s once, an experience still fresh in his mind because it was way nicer than any university student’s flat he had ever seen. At first he was convinced Minho lived in a bat cavern of some kind. The chestnut boy had mentioned that he only ever spent time in his apartment at night, because he was always out during the day and even that sometimes he hung himself upside down on the ceiling (though Jisung was pretty sure he said it while talking about his new exercise schedule)._ _ _ _ _ _

______It would have been fitting though, a den for such a mysterious boy. Except Minho’s home was everything but. It was small, but considering that he lived alone, he expected much worse. The entryway lead directly to a cozy living room, behind a curtain there was a mini kitchen and then two closed doors that he could only guess were the bedroom and the bathroom. The walls were painted a warm orange, on the couch there was a folded fuzzy blanket and next to it stood a bookshelf._ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung realized he had been looking for way too long when a cat brushed against his feet and startled him. Minho giggled next to him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“So, are you done evaluating my place?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He tried not to get flustered for getting caught like that and crouched down to pet the orange cat, who immediately purred at him when he petted it._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I like it, it’s homey”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The older’s eyes shined and Jisung could see he was holding back a proud smile at the compliment._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You just say that because you and Hyunjin basically live in a dorm outside of campus”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I think the dorms are nicer, actually”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Minho chuckled, amused, and kneeled to pet the cat as well._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You know, he’s usually not that friendly to strangers”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Uh, I wonder who taught him that”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The older looked up at him, gasping and jokingly punched his shoulder._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You’re one to talk”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung giggled and lost balance, falling clumsily on his ass. The other laughed pointing at him and the blonde frowned._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Ouch”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Owww does it hurt a lot?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He said mocking him with the sickeningly sweet voice usually reserved for children._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It does, actually”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung crossed his arms over his chest._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You want me to kiss it better?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______This time he did turn crimson red and shoved Minho as he tried to get up. He needed to change the topic quickly, before his mind started imagining him doing things that could definitely not be defined appropriate between friends. Damn him and his flirty nature._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Let me see if I can recognize your cats”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He said a little louder than before._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Don’t bother! I don’t even know that!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Shouted Hyunjin from where he was sitting._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah, because you’re rude and heartless”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Stated Minho dryly, even though he obviously meant it as a joke. Jin strangely didn’t say anything back. Jisung had been ready to held back the older if his roommate had flipped him off, which was usual in their bickering, but he just closed his mouth and turned towards the Felix again. Ji shrugged and interpreted it as him being too tired to have a comeback._ _ _ _ _ _

______“This is Soonie, right?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yes”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sung pointed at the rug, where the other two cats were sleeping._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Then it’s easy, Dori is the grey one and Doongie is the orange one”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Congratulations, now you’ve earned the right to be here”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“What about them?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The blonde pointed at their friends._ _ _ _ _ _

______Minho leaned towards him and whispered in his ear covering his mouth with a hand, as if he was telling him a secret. His breath was hot against his neck and he could feel the shivers going up his spine._ _ _ _ _ _

______“They broke in, I already called the police”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung burst out laughing and almost hit his head against the boy next to him, because of how close they were._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey you two! Lix they’re conspiring against us”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sssh they’re ‘bonding’ “_ _ _ _ _ _

______Felix said in a suggestive tone. His grin, though, was immediately washed away when Minho threw him a pillow and went to tackle him despite the poor boy’s whining. Hyunjin took another pillow and Jisung soon found one as well. The two exchanged a look and attacked the older at the same time, quickly winning an ally in Felix, who was eager to get revenge. Minho, pushed Jin off the couch and fended him with his foot while he bravely defeated the other two’s assaults. Jisung suddenly grabbed his pillow and tried to force it out of his hands, so he rolled on the backrest of the couch and landed softly behind it, leaving his friends gaping at him amazed._ _ _ _ _ _

______Felix soon recovered though._ _ _ _ _ _

______“WE’LL GET YOU”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Minho stood up, realizing the fight wasn’t over yet._ _ _ _ _ _

______“YEAH, YOU CAN’T OUTRUN US IN AN APARTMENT “_ _ _ _ _ _

______Chimed in Hyunjin. Ji just started laughing as they all ran towards Minho, who was speeding to one of the locked doors. Felix cut him before he could hide there and they started circling around the room until they were so exhausted they collapsed on top of the couch, trying to lie down as much as they could, even if the sofa already couldn’t host more than 3 people._ _ _ _ _ _

______As soon as he caught his breath, the elder switched on his laptop and looked up possible movies._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Everyone ok with horror movies?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung nodded while Lix and Hyunjin shouted a firm no._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You know I get nightmares and tonight I even have to walk home alone, pick something else pleaseee”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Complained the freckled boy._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oww Lix, we could watch an action movie?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Propositioned the pink-haired boy as he patted Felix’s hair reassuringly._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yea, like what? Star Wars? Indiana Jones? There aren’t any good ones on Netflix”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Stated Minho, rolling his eyes._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah, this time of the year it usually only adverts cheesy Christmas rom-coms”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Pointed out Sung. Lix pouted and slightly shoved him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey! Some people like them”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Minho arched his eyebrows and scoffed._ _ _ _ _ _

______“People like to make fun of them”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung giggled and looked at the teasing smile on the older’s face._ _ _ _ _ _

______“For real, I’m a romantic and even I can’t take them seriously”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He added. Minho turned to him and wiggled his eyebrows._ _ _ _ _ _

______“We should watch one”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You read my mind”_ _ _ _ _ _

______While they were talking, they shifted towards each other, progressively getting closer. Jisung couldn’t help gravitating in Minho’s orbit every time they were near. It was an instinct, almost._ _ _ _ _ _

______Hyunjin sighed heavily and interrupted them._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Whatever, you weirdos, just choose something before we fall asleep”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jisung noticed that Minho had been as distracted as him only when he flinched as he heard Jin’s voice._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Ok, but if you grumble, I won’t hesitate to stuff your mouth with wet paper towels”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Aye, aye captain”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Minho put his computer on the table in front of them and leaned back, getting comfortable. He was squeezed between Jisung and the threatened boy, Felix on the far right of the couch, already snuggling on Hyunjin’s side. Jisung shifted a bit to try and get some space between him and the older. Only now he realized their legs were pressed against one another and he couldn’t put his hands down unless he wanted to drop them on Minho’s thighs, which he very much wished he could do as his gaze lingered on them a little too long. He gripped the arm of the sofa, but it was a bit awkward and his neck was tense too as he tried to keep his head from collapsing on Minho’s shoulder. Even if he was nice to him now, he was sure the older wasn’t too keen on skinship and he didn’t want to cross the invisible boundaries that were still between them. Minho must have noticed though, because he took his hands and put them down, brushing his palm with his thumb briefly, reassuringly. Now his left hand was in the older’s lap and it brushed against the boy’s right. Timidly, Jisung intertwined their pinkies and Minho turned abruptly towards him, visibly surprised. The younger started pulling away, but the chestnut boy smiled and squeezed his hand tightly. They stayed like that for a while and Sung could feel his eyes drooping down. He was shocked when Minho manhandled him so his feet were hanging off the couch and his head was in Minho’s lap. He looked at him questioningly._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Wh-“_ _ _ _ _ _

______Minho shushed him and sweetly turned his head towards the screen._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Look at the movie Sungie, or you’ll fall asleep”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He whispered as he combed a hand through the blonde’s hair. Jisung’s heart was pounding and he wondered how it could do that when the massage he was getting on his scalp was so relaxing. The whole situation was really intimate and Jisung would’ve usually retracted by now, uncomfortable with being in such a vulnerable state. He didn’t though, he felt safe in the older’s arms and he mumbled a “thank you” as he dozed off._ _ _ _ _ _

______Everything felt right about falling asleep in Minho’s arms._ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things in this chapter are hinting something big that's gonna happen later so... I guess pay attention to details ahaha. Jisung's lyrics are inspired by Close, of course, I just added something to fit the story, that's so cliché lmao. Fun fact, the first draft of this chapter was basically half of this and I added a lot more dialogue and scenes, so I'm nervous to post it because it wasn't in the plan originally, but I think it's much better this way. 
> 
> Well, thank you for reading and I'd really appreciate it if you would comment or leave kudos!
> 
> Uhm, have a good day :))


	4. Ask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being way longer than previously intended, I really thought the last chapters were going to be the longest but... guess I was wrong lmao.
> 
> The title is from one of my favorite songs by the Smiths, at this point I'm basically sharing my playlist with you all lmao.
> 
> Anyway, we finally meet Seungmin, there's a lot of fluff, as always, a bit of angst but it's nothing comparing it to the next chapters, so yeah enjoy until it lasts!
> 
> There are mentions of obsessive behavior and panic attacks at the beginning, it's more mild than chapter two I think, but I'm warning anyway just so I'm extra careful.

That morning, he woke up to something warm pressing against his face. He groaned and hostilely threatened his roommate.

“Jin I swear if it’s another one of your pranks”

Soon though, he realized that Hyunjin wasn’t the one to blame and opened his eyes to a cat licking him. He sat up, suddenly remembering where he was: Minho’s house. Jisung was alone on the couch, but someone had given him a pillow and a blanket during the night, so at least he wasn’t awaken by the cold. He petted Soongie with one hand as he rubbed his eyes with the other. The cat got tired of it quickly, though, so he got up and looked around. Where were the others? Why wasn’t he at home? He tried not to freak out when he realized he had just missed all of the usual steps that belonged to his dear routine. Did Hyunjin double check that the door was locked? Why did he leave him there? Why hadn’t his alarm woken him? All these unanswered questions that kept ringing in his mind made him only more and more anxious. Oh god, Minho was going to see him again like this. Did he even want him at his house? He suddenly felt like he was intruding and he desperately needed some air. He frantically searched the room for his jacket but before he could reach for it he heard a door open and close.

“Hey princess, sleep well?”

Jisung turned around, blushing furiously at the nickname. Minho stood in the middle of the room , grinning in comfy pajamas, his hair a little messy but still so soft that he wanted to run his hands through it. He wondered how he could still look this good first thing in the morning and with glasses on too. He usually would have tried to push those thoughts away, he had decided when they started getting closer that his one-sided attraction to the older wasn’t going to get in the way of their friendship, but right now, he much preferred those over the panicking state he was in. 

Minho’s smile faded, as soon as he took notice of his ragged breathing and the slight shake of his knees. He took two large steps towards the younger and stretched a hand for him to hold onto, which he gladly did. His other hand hovered on Jisung’s nape, waiting for permission to touch him. Ji leaned into the touch and Minho soothingly rubbed circles on his tense muscles.

“Sungie, are you with me?”

The blonde nodded and took a deep breath, feeling that he was able to control it more now. He closed his eyes and focused on Minho’s touch grounding him.

“I’m okay, just give me a few seconds”

The older squeezed his hand tighter, in understanding.

When Jisung was able to organize his overwhelmed mind, he opened his eyes and found Minho’s worried ones staring right back at him.

“I’m alright now, I think”

The older let out a sigh and his hands fell to his sides.

“Thank god, you really scared me”

Jisung looked down, ashamed of his reaction.

“Uh, I’m sorry”

Minho lifted his face, placing a finger under his chin.

“There’s no need to apologize for it, it’s not something you can control”

He gave him a tired smile and nodded.

“Thank you, for letting me stay here too”

“You mean letting you crash on my rusty old couch? Sungie you don’t have to thank me, for that”

Jisung held his breath for a second, just now realizing how close they were. Minho smiled at him and ruffled his hair, taking step back.

“Uhm, how- no, wait, why didn’t you wake me up yesterday night?”

“Hyunjin said you haven’t gotten a lot of sleep lately and you just looked so cute curled up with Soongie that it would have broken my heart to do that”

Jisung could tell he was joking, but the words still made his own heart sped up a little.

“Oh, that explains why he woke me up”

“Yeah, he’s a menace, I wanted to wake you up with coffee but I thought I had more time”

“What time is it?”

“A little past 8”

Jisung winced at the mention.

“What? Aren’t you usually up by this time too?”

“Yeah, it’s just… you’re going to think it’s weird if I tell you”

He shook his head, knowing the reaction people usually had when he told them about his habits.

Minho furrowed his eyebrows at the weak tone in his voice and teased him to cheer him up.

“Not to burst your bubble, but I already do”

Ji giggled nervously.

“I know, ok, so let’s say that I don’t really like doing things that I don’t usually do”

“Again, not exactly brand new information”

“Ok, but it’s not just that, uhm… I have a routine that I follow every day and if I don’t I’m going to be nervous all day. It’s especially strict in the morning and I know that as soon as I’m out of here it’s going to start nagging at me and I won’t be able to think about anything else today”

Jisung fidgeted with his rings while he talked, his hands were getting sweaty and his chest began feeling hot.

“Oh, so that’s why you were freaking out before”

He nodded, the elder looked like he was thinking about it, which could either mean he was going to be kicked out or pitied and he wasn’t keen on either of them.

“What do you usually do?”

Jisung looked at him confused, out of all the questions he could’ve asked, he didn’t expect this one. But then again, Minho was unpredictable, so maybe he should have foreseen it happening.

“Oh, uhm, I don’t know if I should tell you”

“I just want to help you feel better, maybe if you at least do one of the things you are used to, it will ease your nerves a bit, isn’t there one you can think of?”

Jisung smiled, he truly was relieved, but he felt a bitter laugh shake him.

“It’s not that easy…”

Minho looked at him with puppy eyes, waiting for him to give in.

Jisung sighed. He was so weak for him.

“This isn’t going to work, but I guess getting dressed, eating breakfast? Or brushing my teeth?”

The elder smiled, beaming.

“We can do all three, come”

He gripped his wrist and pulled him inside his room, letting go right after to search through his closet.

Minho’s bedroom wasn’t big, but its white walls and the big window next to the bed made it look spacious. On the windowsill there were a series of plants in cute little terracotta vases and most of the floor was scattered with cat toys, he wondered how the boy didn’t trip every time he stepped foot inside. Overall it wasn’t messy though, unlike his own room that even tidied up looked like something wasn’t quite in place. It calmed him down a little.

“It’s nice”

He said out loud, inadvertently. Minho turned around for a second and looked over the room.

“It’s a mess, I wasn’t expecting guests”

He deadpanned. Jisung knew that was just his normal attitude, but it still made him doubt himself.

“Are you sure I’m not bothering you?”

The chestnut boy shook his head and threw a hoodie and sweatpants in his arms.

“Stop saying non-sense, I told you I’d make coffee, so while you wait, there’s a toothbrush on the sink in the bathroom if you want to use it and you can change here”

He winked at him and closed the door as he left the room.

Jisung looked at the fabric in his hands and simply followed the orders given, mechanically stripping and dressing up in the clean clothes. He smiled and hugged himself feeling how soft they were. He could smell Minho’s scent on them and that reassured him a great deal. He had been relaying on him so much lately and Minho took care of him every time, but never asked something in return. It had taken them a while to click, but after that they had gotten so close he could hardly imagine a day without his silly texts reminding him to eat or rest. Ji had always known the dancer was attractive, so much that he couldn’t take his eyes off of him when they first met, but he never expected him to be caring, attentive, funny and patient too. In that moment he realized how gone he was for him, although he had been trying not to admit it to himself. Minho was in a whole different league and he didn’t even know if he was gay, which could only mean that he was going to get hurt. A tiny part of him was hopeful, though, and he couldn’t help a grin forming on his face when he thought about how domestic the whole situation was. He folded his clothes and put them on the same chair where his jacket was once he got out. He got in the bathroom and washed his face quickly, scrubbing the tiredness off it. He brushed his teeth respecting his usual time and went into the kitchen.

The aroma of coffee had filled the whole apartment by then and he smiled even wider when he saw that there were two cups and two plates on the small table. Minho was occupied with a pan on the stove.

“Are the clothes ok?”

He said without turning around.

“Yes, uhm, thank you”

“Sungie, you’ve thanked me enough for today, now sit down and eat”

“Ok, but if I do that I’ll just have more to be thankful for”

Minho chuckled and faced him, holding a plate stacked with pancakes.

“Then you’ll have to find another way to thank me, to switch it up”

He didn't even register the suggestive tone the elder used though, because as soon as he saw the food Jisung’s eyes went wide and he flapped his arms in excitement.

“YOU MADE PANCAKES!”

Minho laughed and sat down, nudging the plate towards him.

“I had a feeling you’d like them, suit yourself”

Jisung immediately put some in his plate and covered them with syrup. He started eating big bites, like he had been starved for days and he stopped only when he felt Minho’s stare on him. The older was smiling fondly at him.

“What?”

He tried to say, though the sound came out muffled because he was still chewing. Minho chuckled and shook his head.

“Your squirrel habits are entertaining, your cheeks are all puffed up”

Jisung pouted.

“Doesn’t everyone do that when they’re eating?”

Minho laughed louder and took a few bites of the pancakes too.

“Sorry Jisungie, it’s just you. It’s cute though”

Jisung sighed and took his head in his hands. He was getting better at accepting compliments, but Minho’s always hit a little different. They continued eating in silence before he spoke again.

“Pancakes are the first thing I learned how to cook”

The elder found that amusing for some reason.

“Out of every useful recipe you could’ve learned? Somehow it doesn’t surprise me”

“Hey! It is useful! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day”

“I can’t disagree with that logic, but if you learned how to cook rice it would’ve been more convenient. It’s more versatile and you can have it in every meal”

Jisung pouted.

“Yeah, but pancakes are a form of self-care, I cook them if I want to feel cared for”

Jisung’s eyes went wide after he realized what his words implied. Minho’s face was blank and he avoided his gaze, but he could tell the statement didn’t bother him, even if he didn’t reply.

“What are you doing today?”

He asked the older after he finished everything he had in his plate.

“I was just going to stay at home today, study, play with my cats and then I have work in the afternoon”

The blonde nodded.

“I just wanted to know when I should go, before you kick me out”

He joked.

“What you don’t have anything to do today too?”

Jisung groaned, thinking about the amount of work waiting for him.

“Uh, I wish, no, I have a shift at 12 and then I have to seriously study because my exams are in a week and I’m not prepared in the least”

“I see, why are you so late?”

He squirmed under the elder's disapproving stare.

“I just have a few problems concentrating, especially at my apartment, so I always end up cramming”

Minho sighed and shook his head.

“Have you tried studying at the library?”

“I did, but there were too much people and I thought they would clock immediately that I didn’t belong there, so I chickened out”

“You’re a broke, sleep deprived college student, that’s exactly where you belong”

“Well… ok I can’t argue with that”

“Look, my friend and I usually meet there to study after classes, if you want, you can join someday this week”

“Uhm, I don’t know”

“You don’t have to tell me now, don’t worry”

Dori interrupted them. He started to meow loudly and rubbed his head on their legs.

“I know, I know I’ll feed you now”

Minho said softly as he petted his head, he excused himself and went to attend to them.

Jisung got up and put the dishes in the sink out of habit, in his apartment he didn’t have space to leave them lying around, so he always sorted them out right after he finished. Leaving them there after all the kindness Minho showed him felt wrong though, so he started washing them as he hummed to a melody that came to his mind.

Suddenly he heard a noise behind him and when he turned around he saw Minho paralyzed, a metal bowl on the ground which must have contained water before, because it was spilled all over the floor. His instinct was to grab a towel to clean the mess, but seeing the other’s eyes he stopped and held his hand tightly.

“Minho are you ok?”

He seemed to get out of his trance and abruptly let go of his hand to get some towels. Jisung kneeled to help him, but Minho had already got up. The younger looked at him questioningly. He just turned around, squeezing the bowl so hard that his fingers became white.

“I don’t want to keep you”

Jisung was beyond confused for the change in his behavior.

“Wha-“

“You should leave”

He cut him off before he could ask what he had done wrong. His voice was back to the cold tone he used to have around him and he wasn’t even looking at him. Minho went to the sink to fill the bowl with fresh water and Jisung could just retrieve his things quietly and bid him goodbye, one that was only met with silence. As he was going down the stairs he felt a bitter taste in his mouth and a pang in his heart.

Minho had let him sleep over, lent him his clothes, helped with his panic attack, but he kicked him out when he saw him washing the dishes? Just when he thought he understood him, the elder did something that completely out of the blue that threw him off.

He felt like a fool for letting his imagination run off only to be harshly waken up from his fantasies like that. He thought he was being dramatic over a small thing but he couldn’t help feeling a bit hurt. 

The morning after, though, Minho texted him as if nothing had happened, commenting about someone he had seen on the bus wearing a giant pointy wizard hat. Jisung was so relieved to hear him again after his awkward departure that he didn’t ask about what happened and just went with the flow of their usual banter. When Minho asked him again if he wanted to join him in the library the next afternoon he accepted without second thoughts. 

As soon as the professor dismissed them he flew towards the library and stopped only when he entered it and saw the look on the librarian’s face, silently scolding him with a glare. 

He sheepishly apologized and slowed down, walking through the tables to find his friend. 

“Sungie”

He heard a voice whisper. He turned around and saw Minho seated in a small rounded table and raised his hand to wave at him. Next to him there was a black-haired boy, who looked really calm and focused on his work, but spared him a look when he saw the interaction. Jisung remembered that Minho had in fact mentioned that he didn’t study alone and felt even more stupid than before for being so excited about this. He brushed his hands against his jeans, hoping that the boy wouldn’t want to shake his, they were already getting sweaty.

He tried to keep a smile on his face as he took a seat next to Minho. 

“Uhm, hi”

He said hesitantly.

The boy gave him a friendly smile. 

“Seungmin, nice to finally meet you”

Jisung furrowed his brows in confusion while Minho glared at his friend. 

“Finally?”

The boy nodded.

“I heard a lot about you”

Jisung looked at the boy beside him, taken aback. Minho talked about him? He grinned and locked eyes with the elder.

“Oh, from who?”

Minho rolled his eyes and lowered his head.

“Don't flatter yourself, he’s friends with Felix too, he can’t shut up about you two being twins or something”

Seungmin stifled a laugh and muttered.

“Sure, he’s the one who can’t shut up about _Jisungie >em>”_

That earned him a kick in the shins, that went unnoticed by Jisung, who was ready to perorate his case. 

“We are though, look we were born less than 24 hours apart, at the opposite side of the earth, and we managed to meet anyway, it can't be a coincidence, that’s fate!” 

Minho smiled and ruffled his hair, getting closer. 

“That’s a compelling argument, but don't get distracted, do you remember what you came here for?” 

Sung panicked, was his crush that obvious? 

“W-what do you mean?” 

“Studying, duh” 

Jisung sighed in relief and pulled his laptop out of his bag. 

“Unfortunately I do” 

“Do you need some motivation?” 

He asked teasingly. 

Jisung scoffed and let his head fall on the table. 

“I think I need a miracle” 

Minho giggled and pinched his cheek affectionately. 

“I have just the thing then, close your eyes” 

The blonde raised his head and scrunched his forehead. 

“Uh? What are you, Santa?” 

“Just trust me, ok?” 

Jisung was hesitant, but obeyed anyway. 

He heard a bit of shuffling and when he opened his eyes he saw a slice of cheesecake in a nice Christmas package with a red bow. He looked at Minho, who had a proud smile on his face. 

“W-what is that for?” 

“Your brain needs sugar to study” 

He stated simply. 

“Thank you, Min, but uhm, is that even allowed in here?” 

Jisung looked around checking if someone was staring at them, everyone seemed too focused on what they were doing to mind them and he started feeling more and more comfortable in that space. 

“As long as you don’t chew it with your mouth open” 

The younger punched his shoulder lightly while the other giggled with a hand covering his mouth. 

“Ya! You know I don’t do that” 

“I know” 

Minho was looking at him straight in the eyes again and he was so close he could feel his breath against his face. Jisung was buzzing with the tension that had slowly but surely built around them. He couldn’t help stealing a glance at Minho’s lips, biting his own as he shifted in his seat to put an appropriate distance between them. 

“It was really thoughtful of you, thank you, really” 

The elder shook his head. 

“It’s nothing, I owed you” 

Jisung started unwrapping the cake. 

“You didn-“ 

The words died in his throat when he saw a tiny note next to the slice, that simply spelled sorry in a nice cursive writing. 

Jisung understood and in a spurt of bravery he put his hand on the one Minho had laid on the table, gently squeezing it, trying to communicate what he couldn’t say out loud. The chestnut boy smiled at him and started drawing circles with his thumb on the back of his hand. 

Seungmin, who in that time had already gone back to study and seemingly payed them no mind, fake coughed, interrupting them. 

“Whipped” 

Minho glared at him as he disentangled their hands. Jisung’s eyes widened and he almost squeaked in surprise. 

“What?” 

“I said that you two should concentrate and stop talking” 

His words were scolding but he had a teasing tone and Jisung understood that he wasn’t serious, still, he didn’t want to risk upsetting someone he just met and finally switched on his computer. 

“That sounds way longer than what you said” 

Minho pointed out, shooting daggers at his friend. Seungmin just smiled innocently and shrugged his shoulders. They all started actually studying. Jisung succeeded in getting his work done and was beyond euphoric to see that what he was reading stuck in his memory as he was eating the delicious sweet. Sometimes he looked at Minho and he could feel himself falling deeper and deeper when he saw the little wrinkles that formed on his forehead while he was focused, or when he bit the pencil he was using if he was stuck on a particularly difficult problem, or when his hair fell in front of his eyes and he slicked it back. A few times he met his gaze and thought that maybe, just maybe, he was stealing glances at him too. When they eventually got tired and packed up to go home, it was already dark outside. 

Minho left him alone with Seungmin because he needed to talk to the librarian about a book he was going to borrow for class and it suddenly sunk that he didn’t know this guy at all. He looked at his feet feeling a bit awkward while they were waiting outside in the corridor. 

He remembered that he hadn’t introduced himself and panicked while he stuttered to Seungmin.

__

“Oh, I’m so rude! S-sorry, I’m Jisung” 

____

The boy chuckled. 

__

“I already know your name, don’t worry” 

__

“Ah, right, right” 

__

Jisung damned himself mentally and a silence fell between them again for a few seconds. 

__

“I’ve never seen Minho buy anything spontaneously for anyone, you know?" 

__

He looked up at him. 

__

“Uh? He never seemed cheap to me” 

__

“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant. He always gets the bill when we go out to eat, but.. come on you must have realized it by now. That he’s different around you” 

__

Jisung bit on his cheek, trying to suffocate the gummy smile creeping at his lips, then he sighed as his fears crowded his mind. 

__

“I-I think that he pities me and that's why he's so nice” 

__

It was so stupid to tell a stranger his insecurities like that, but he never got a chance to talk about this to his friends and he wasn’t keen on bringing up the topic around them, especially because Minho was always there too. 

__

Seungmin laughed, like he had said something absurd. 

__

“I’ve seen enough to tell you that’s not what pity looks like and I think you’ve noticed too” 

__

He didn’t get a chance to answer though, because Minho got back to them in that moment. 

__

They walked side by side to the metro and Jisung couldn’t help his smiles every time their hands slightly brushed against each other. He didn’t notice until they arrived at the stairs that at some point the older must’ve gotten tired of it and just held his hand instead. He insisted Sung should call him when he got home to make sure he was ok and he felt his heart flutter at that. He was so used to being in control, that’s what his whole routine was about, having a firm grip on reality, so that nothing bad could happen, so that he wouldn’t get hurt. He couldn’t control himself around Minho though, he already made him slip so many times, even insinuating himself in his rituals. When he thought about it alone in his room, a part of him was almost annoyed by it, because he climbed over his barriers so easily. But every time he made him laugh, every time he acted so thoughtful and like he could lean on him, it made him reach such highs that he thought that maybe letting loose a bit wouldn’t hurt him as terribly as he had feared. 

__

So no one could really blame him if after he assured Minho he was ok they kept texting until he fell asleep with his phone on his face. Even when the next morning Hyunjin laughed pointing at him for five minutes straight, he couldn’t be bothered. He was breaking out of his shell little by little and it felt so freeing, that he couldn’t imagine himself regretting it. 

__

__

__

_On Thursday, the only thing Jisung had in mind after finishing his shift, was food._

__

__

__

_He opened the door and immediately went to the kitchen, without even shouting to see if Hyunjin was home._

____

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_Said boy, however, was indeed there and he heard him trailing behind him in the small room._

____

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____

_"Welcome back!"_

_____ _

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_____ _

_He said, his voice sweet and higher in pitch than usual._

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______ _ _

_Jisung put a pot full of water on the stove._

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"Hi" 

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__

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_"You look really handsome today"_

________ _ _ _ _

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________ _ _ _ _

_He cringed and turned around giving him a judging look._

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_________ _ _ _ _ _

_"Cut it short Hyunjin, what do you need?"_

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Hyunjin frowned._

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"Can't I at least suck up to you a bit before I ask?"_

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"Because you think that's a valid strategy?"_

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_Jisung raised an eyebrow._

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_Jin groaned and sat on a chair at the table._

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_"I may or may not have invited a few people over this weekend"_

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"Uh? You mean Minho and Felix? You want to have dinner here this Friday?"_

_________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

_________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_The hungry boy crouched down to look for a packet of instant ramen in the cupboard._

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__

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"Actually I was thinking more about Saturday night"_

___________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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_"Saturday night, but..."_

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Jisung froze and got up so abruptly he felt his head spin._

_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"HWANG HYUNJIN ARE YOU THROWING A PARTY IN OUR APARTMENT?!"_

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_The pink-haired boy flinched and shushed him._

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"Don't shout! We'll get a noise complaint if you talk so loud!"_

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"And we won't if a bunch of drunk people play music at full volume for the whole night?!"_

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_The water started boiling, just like Jisung's anger. He violently salted it, seething, and threw the packet in._

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"Look, it's not that many people and we can play music at a reasonable volume"_

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_He glared at him._

____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"How many?"_

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"I don't know, ten? fifteen? twenty?"_

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__

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_“Twenty?! Have you seen how big this fucking apartment is? We basically have to eat on top of each other and our 'living room' is the doorway, how do you think we're gonna fit all these people?"_

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__

_______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Hyunjin sighed, his head sinking between his shoulders._

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__

________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_“I know, but I promised”_

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__

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His head drooped lower as he looked defeated at the ground. 

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__

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“Pleaseee, I’ll clean up after” 

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__

_________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"That wasn't even on the table to begin with" 

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__

_________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Said Jisung, still mad, while stirring his noodles. 

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_________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hyunjin looked up at him with pleading eyes and he felt a tiny bit of guilt growing inside him because of his harsh reaction, even though he knew he was right. 

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_"Who are you even inviting to this party?"_

_"My girlfriend's friends"_

__

_Jisung furrowed his brows._

_"And none of yours?"_

_"It's to get to know them"  
_

_He took his tumble dinner off the stove and sat down to eat it right out of the pot, his knees brushing against Hyunjin's due to the narrow space they were in._

_"And why doesn't she host the party then? Our apartment isn't a place she can rent"_

Hyunjin shut his mouth and a gloomy expression painted his features. 

"She just can't, alright?" 

_He answered harshly._

_Jisung stopped eating to take a better look at his friend. Did he just snap at him? Something felt off about the whole thing._

_Seeing the state Hyunjin was in, only increased his guilt though, so ultimately he surrendered._

"Okay, but firstly, if you actually get a complaint from the other tenants I will kill you with my bare hands and secondly, you have to clean everything the next day and by clean I mean spotless, I want to be able to eat off the floor. Just in case someone drops a cheesecake like that one episode in Friends" 

Jin smiled and happily nodded, tackling him in a bear hug, even though with both of them sitting it wasn't exactly comfortable. 

"You're the best Ji!" 

Jisung hugged him back for a few seconds, but soon pushed him away to finish his meal before it could get cold. 

"I know, I know. I'll find myself something to do Saturday night then, because I do not want to be around for this" 

“No one invited you Joey!” 

“Ya! You know I'm the Chandler in this friendship! I'll take back my permission if you disrespect me like this again!” 

Hyunjin blatantly ignored his last remark and got up to make a call. 

After Jisung ate, he felt lazy and only wanted to go lie on his bed and sleep until the next day. He still forced himself to wash the dishes he dirtied though, because if he left them there his roommate would call him a hypocrite and with reason. 

He sighed and unlocked his phone, plopping on the unmade bed with his clothes from work. He reached for the squirrel plushie beside his pillow and hugged him tightly as he made himself comfortable. 

He opened the chat he had with Changbin and Chan and quickly typed 

_" _Do you have any plans for Saturday night? _".___

___He didn't expect a quick reply, his friends were not known to be great texter, so he exited the group and stared at his latest chats._ _ _

___He noticed that Minho's profile picture had been changed to him kissing Doongie, who did not seem happy about it in the slightest._ _ _

<

___Jisung smiled and entered the conversation. He could ask him about Saturday too, even though he was probably already busy. He must've been, with all the group of friends he was part of. He had stopped trying to keep track of all the names Minho randomly dropped in their conversations as if he knew them as well. Sometimes he wondered if the chestnut boy ever mentioned him too. According to Seungmin, he did, at least to him._ _ _

___Before he could overthink it, he wrote " _hi_ ".___

_____He groaned, way to start a casual conversation. He logged off and started to mindlessly scroll through his Instagram._ _ _ _ _

_____" _It's almost midnight, aren't you supposed to be in bed by now? _"___ _ _ _ _

_______Jisung smiled seeing the message._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______" _I am, actually _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________" _Ooh kinky _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________As soon as he saw it he felt his cheeks get insanely red. It made him want to knock his head on the wall, how Minho could push his buttons so easily. At least through text he could appear like a calm and collected human being though, besides blushing like a teenager._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________" _I had work today, I got back less than an hour ago _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________" _I see, have you eaten? _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Jisung rolled his eyes, even if he appreciated him asking that._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________" _Are you my mom? _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________" _Answer the question, you brat _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________" _I did, don't worry. Why are you up though? _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________" _Studying _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________" _Don't overwork yourself, please _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________The three dots on the screen appeared and disappeared two times before he got a reply._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________" _You're the younger one, so you need more hours to rest than me _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________" _That doesn't even make sense, we're barely two years apart _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________“ _Shut up I'm right, respect an elder's opinion _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________Jisung chuckled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________" _Of course, grandpa _"  
" _Anyways, I actually had something to ask you _"_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________" _Shoot _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________" _What are you doing Saturday night? _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________________" _Felix invited me to a club with some other friends _"  
" _You wanna come? _"_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________________Jisung looked at the screen, pondering what to do. Bars were not his habitat, at all. But it wasn't like he had many offers to choose from. Maybe going out could be fun for once and he did want to see Minho dancing again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________________" _Maybe _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________________“ _Hey, if you don’t agree I’ll tell Felix and then he’ll annoy you into coming. He’s much worse than me _”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________________________“ _I don’t know about that, you’re pretty irritating yourself _”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________________________“ _I’ll take that as a compliment _”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________________________“ _It’s not, but you do you _”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________________________“ _Come on Sungie, you won't regret it _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________________________________The older had made a habit of calling him with that stupid nickname that had always got on his nerves. He honestly didn’t know if Minho started this to mock him, but it made him melt every time he said it with his low soothing voice. Even now he heard the sound in his head and couldn’t refuse after that._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________________________________" _I guess I'll come then _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________________________________" _Great, now go sleep or you'll wake up late again _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________________________________Jisung couldn't help a smile forming on his face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________________________________" _Ok, goodnight :) _"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________________________________He quickly changed into pajamas, which were the extremely comfortable clothes Minho gave him and he hoped wouldn’t ask him back, because they were warm and he could smell his scent on them still. As he got under the covers with the plushie, he let himself imagine what it would feel like to cuddle with him. He definitely struck him as the type who liked to act like he was the big spoon, but preferred to be held at night._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________________________________Soon he drifted off to sleep, a light feeling on his chest, the smile never leaving his face in his dreams._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help mentioning one of my favorite series, also because whenever I write about hyunsung being roommates Friends is one of the first thing that comes to mind. Also the word kinky is permanently linked in my brain to the song Sincerely me from the musical Dear Evan Hansen, so I start laughing like crazy every time I hear it. 
> 
> Even if you feel completely lost because you don't know what either of those things are, don't worry, those are just writer's treats that I like to put in but don't really influence the story. 
> 
> I hope you liked it and please comment if you did!
> 
> Have a nice day :))


	5. Do I Wanna Know ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys night out!! This chapter has a couple of plot twists ehehe, good reading!
> 
> I did put some fun hyunsung and jilix scene (also finally the group comes together!!) but there is a bit of angst towards the end.
> 
> The title of the chapter is an Arctic Monkeys song which is really fitting for Minsung at this point in the story I think, also it's one of my favorite songs ever.
> 
> TW: mention of wounds, but it's not really graphic so I don't think I should put it in the tags?

In the days preceding Saturday, Jisung had felt both dread and excitement slowly build up inside him. He really needed a break from his exams and getting stupid drunk with his friends was one of the best ways to take the edge off. He just wondered if being around that many strangers would put him off and he couldn’t help worrying about it. So it was only logical that he would have found himself late in the afternoon with only an hour to shower and dress for the occasion, frozen in front of his closet. He took a quick look at his current outfit that he had used to study and lounge all day, consisting of a sweatshirt and run down basket shorts, both items very far from the dress code for the night. He sighed in defeat and called out for help.

"Jiiiiin"

Hyunjin, grumbling, made his way to the room, an annoyed look on his face for being rudely interrupted from the anime he was watching.

"What?"

"What the fuck do you wear to go out?"

Hyunjin scoffed, grinning widely at him.

“Oh, I see how this is, now you’re the one asking me for a favor”

Jisung run a hand on his face, feeling extremely frustrated and already regretting various of his life decisions.

“You throwing a party at our place and me needing someone to help pick out some clothes are hardly in the same league”

The pink-haired boy kept smiling mockingly, knowing he had the upper hand.

“Still counts”

Sung rolled his eyes. 

“Can’t you just… get to it and stop gloating?”

Jin laughed and walked beside him, taking a glance at the closet.

“So how did that happen? Felix convinced you to join them with his twin abilities or whatever you call it?”

Jisung scolded him with a glare and pointed at him an accusing finger.

“Do not mock the sunshine twins, you’re just jealous your old friends like me better than you”

Hyunjin put a hand on his chest dramatically gasping.

“They would never!”

“They would indeed, did Minho invite you too? Mmh I don’t think so”

Hyunjin giggled and smirked. 

“Oooh now it makes sense”

“What does??”

“You going to a club, wait are you actually going or id this another date?”

Jisung spluttered.

“What is that supposed to mean? Another?”

Hyunjin simply pointed to the squirrel plushie, sitting comfortably on top of his made bed, and arched one of his eyebrows. Jisung pouted and blushed hard.

“Aww Jiji look how red you are”

“Shut up or I’ll wake you up with a bucket of ice water tomorrow”

“How much time have you two been spending together, you even sound like him!”

Jisung threatened him with a fist, while Hyunjin was taken by a laughing fit.

“Hyunjin are you going to help or just get on my nerves?”

“Jeez, learn to take a joke sometimes”

Hyunjin finally started rummaging through the closet scattering items all around the room before he got to a pair of tight ripped jeans and threw them on the bed. 

“Wait, but I wear them all the time, are you sure they are alright?”

He nodded and put his hands on Jisung’s shoulders, sensing his anxiety.

“They are, lots of people wear jeans when they go out, you won’t stick out, you just need to dress them up a little”

“How?”

“Mhhh, do you have any belts? Or chains?”

Jisung opened a drawer and Hyunjin found both of them, then he dragged him to his room and handed a black low-cut silk shirt to him.

"What is this?! You think I can pull this off?"

Hyunjin scoffed.

"Relax, you just need to blend in, remember? And I let you have the jeans to feel comfortable.”

“Can’t I just wear a regular shirt? I have one with flamingos”

“Do you want to look like a golf player who got the wrong address? Absolutely not, besides if Felix was here he'd made you wear one of his anime skirts, which one do you prefer?"

Jisung groaned and made his way towards his room.

“I guess this one will do, but I'd look good in a skirt!"

He shouted as he closed the door and smiled when he heard his friend laugh.

He showered and put the outfit together. He looked at himself in the mirror and run his hands on the soft fabric of the shirt. He certainly had never dressed like that and it was clearly his friend’s style more than him, but he didn’t look like a kid wearing his father’s clothes at least. He still wanted to put a bit more of him in it though, so he found a pair of sparkly earrings and a necklace that fit with the concept, wearing them as well.

He nervously adjusted his rings and checked he had everything with him before putting on his jacket and getting out of his room.

"I did a good job"

Stated Hyunjin when he saw him.

Jisung just rolled his eyes.

"Have fun, please don't destroy the house"

"You have fun too Ji, I know I tease you a lot about this but don’t push yourself if you feel uneasy”

“Is that the Hwang Hyunjin actually worrying about me?”

“Ya! You know I care about you, you’re the one who rejects my amazing cuddles”

Jisung laughed and hugged him.

“It’s you fault because you never shower before”

“That happened one time!”

“And I STILL REMEMBER IT YOU CLAMMY GIANT!”

They both cackled and hugged tighter.

Hyunjin pulled off and mockingly patted him on his head.

“I feel like a proud parent sending my kid to school on the first day”

“Hey, I’m not that shorter than you”

“Yeah, you’re just innocent and naive”

Ji harshly let go of him and grimaced.

“That’s not true, I’m the more responsible out of the two of us, without me you would have already forgotten to pay rent too many times not to get evicted”

Hyunjin lifted his hands in surrender, but he had a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Ok ok I’ll give you this one Ji, now go get laid!”

“WHAT?”

Hyunjin laughed at his flushed state and pushed him towards the door, which Jisung hostilely slammed behind him after flipping him off.

Calming himself, he took a deep breath and started walking to Felix's apartment, which was only fifteen minutes away from his. They agreed to pregame at his before actually going out and Jisung was glad he was going to have a bit of alcohol in him before he went into a crowd of strange sweaty bodies.

He ringed the doorbell and climbed three flights of stairs, soon getting inside his friend's cozy apartment.

Felix had a way nicer space than his. The flat used to be his grandparent's but they had left it once they reached a certain age to go live with one of their sons. The young freckled boy rented one of the rooms, but that, other than taking care of the apartment, were the only price for his stay, so he still lived in better conditions than all of them combined.

Said boy tackled him in a killer hug as soon as he saw him.

"Jisung hiii, you actually dressed up! You look amazing, I’ve never seen you out of an overside sweatshirt!”

He tried to reciprocate the affection as best as he could, but it was a little difficult considering his arms were being held captive.

"Hi Lix, well what was I supposed to do? Show up in sweats?"

Felix laughed and let him go, still clinging onto his arm.

"Knowing you, you could have! Come inside, I have to introduce you to my roommate"

Jisung took off his shoes and followed the boy to the kitchen, were a blue-haired guy was trying to cook rather messily what he could only guess was fried rice. 

Felix gently pushed him aside and took back control of the kitchen, gesturing for them to talk to each other. For once he was actually excited to meet someone new, him being the only missing puzzle in the non official group of friends he had inadvertently joined. Through some stories he had heard from Hyunjin and at Friday dinners, he gathered that the three dancers had known each other for more than two years and Seungmin had met Minho a year before, which led to him naturally joining the group. Felix’s roommate apparently tagged along earlier on, but he had a similar story to Jisung’s own.

"I'm Jeongin, it's nice to officially meet you"

The boy smiled at him warmly and Jisung tried his best to replicate it and push back his anxiety, that still nagged at him in a corner of his brain.

"I'm Jisung, yeah I think we missed each other a couple of times"

Jeongin nodded.

"The last time you were here I was out with Seungmin and then I was supposed to join your elite Friday dinners a couple of times but I never did in the end"

Felix grimaced and stuck out his tongue.

"Your loss!”

“Why do people keep calling them elite if we invite them and they don’t show up?”

Jisung asked in a whiny tone to which Felix and Jeongin laughed. As their chuckles died down Sung noticed he was the only one there and looked at the clock, nervously.

"I'm early, aren't I?"

Jeongin shrugged.

"We were home anyway"

Felix turned off the stove and looked at his face intently.

"It's good that you are, because I'm definitely putting make up on you"

Jisung gasped at his boldness.

"Lix!"

Felix gave him an innocent smile and dragged him to the bathroom, where he pushed him to sit on the edge of the bathtub and started working intensely on his face.

“Keep still or instead of a cat eye you’re going to get a black eye”

Ji blinked, trying not to tear up.

“But it hurts! You’ll make me cry”

“It’s you fault for squirming so much! Have you never put on make up before?”

“I’m a musician, sure I did”

“Ok, but do you actually know how? Have you some at home?”

“No bro I’m shit at it and I’m too lazy to learn”

Felix rolled his eyes.

“Of course, well I’m sure Hyunjin has some toner you can borrow tomorrow morning so you won’t look like you were thrown in a fighting pit with a bunch of raged pandas”

Jisung cackled but soon it turned into a scream when Felix poked his eye by mistake.

“Ouch!”

“Sorry, sorry I’m almost done”

When Felix had finished and told him to look at himself in the mirror, he was honestly shocked. He had glitter around his eyes, long dark lashes that accentuated his smokey eyes and plump, slightly pink lips.

"You look amazing Sung! If nobody takes you home tonight, something is crooked in this world"

Lix clapped excitedly and they both laughed. Jisung thanked him with a back hug and left to let him get ready.

He found Jeongin playing Mario Kart in the living room, who gladly let him join when he asked, the two of them soon cursing together if one sped up or bumped into them, completely enthralled by the game.

The doorbell rang again and this time it was Chan and Changbin, who Jisung had been compelled to invite after Felix heard he had other friends who also had nothing to do that night. They introduced themselves to Jeongin and soon all of them were playing like they were long time friends and not random people who had just met.

"Jisung behind you! Fucking Daisy is at your tail!"

Said Jeongin without tearing his gaze from the screen.

"I saw! I'm trying to outrun her but she has fucking mushrooms"

“Look there are rainbow dices at the next turn, go, go!”

Changbin chimed in.

Their game, however, was cut short by Felix, who came out of his room looking angelic in a white shirt and checkered high waisted light blue skirt.

"What are you doing?"

Four heads turned to him, Changbin and Chan visibly shocked by his appearance after hearing his dark low voice. Jisung couldn’t blame them, he too couldn’t think of a more unique match. 

"You're playing without me? Traitors!"

Jeongin lifted his hands to defend himself.

"We only have 4 joysticks!"

Chan quickly recomposed himself and offered his.

"You can take mine, I'm not very good at it anyway"

Felix beamed and took it, but shook his hand too in the process. Goofily shaking the controller clasped in their hands while the tips of their fingers brushed against each other and they locked eyes.

"Thank you, Ji you didn’t tell me your friends are such gentlemen! I'm Felix"

Chan said his and Changbin's name and all three of them soon were talking, the game forgotten. Jisung and Jeongin shared a look, honestly upset because they were so close to winning it, but their frowns disappeared quickly once they were seated and started eating Felix's food.

"Aren't a few more people coming? Minho isn't here yet”

Jisung asked, trying not to look too obvious.

Jeongin answered while he chewed.

"The assholes didn't want to have dinner with us”

Felix rolled his eyes.

"That's probably for the better, if either of them was here they'd be telling you how disgusting you are"

Jeongin just shrugged and all of them laughed at the exchange.

At 22 pm the doorbell rang again and this time Minho walked through the door with Seungmin.

"You came together?"

Asked Felix, feigning disbelief.

The two glared at each other and took a few steps to get as much space between them as possible.

"Never"

Said Minho with a disgusted look on his face, then he headed towards the kitchen and ruffled Jisung's hair while he passed him. 

"They act like they hate each other, but they're actually good friends" 

Explained Jeongin to the three producers who were slightly weirded out by the scene they had assisted.

Seungmin greeted Jisung warmly, asking him about his exams and they fell naturally into conversation, complaining about the last minute cramming sessions they were going to have the following week. Seungmin introduced himself to the remaining boys as well, but they were interrupted when Felix and Minho came to the living room bringing some bottles of soju and other types of alcohol.

They sat down in a circle more or less, between people on the ground and on the couch.

Felix poured each of them a shot and raised his glass.

"We should start with a toast! To new beginnings!"

They all echoed him and drank.

Jisung put his glass on the ground and turned to his right to see that Minho was staring at him. He shook his hand in front of his face jokingly and leaned closer.

"Min?" 

He almost whispered.

The chestnut boy blinked a few times before he cleared his voice and stepped back leaning against the couch. 

"You look beautiful Sungie" 

Jisung blushed and took a sip from a bottle near him. 

Minho chuckled. 

"You should learn how to take compliments, they suit you so well" 

He winked at him and Jisung forced himself to look away. The boy was too smooth for him, he couldn’t handle him sober. 

"Thank you, y-you look good too"

He mumbled.

"I know”

Minho stated smugly, pinching his cheek.

Felix clapped his hands to get their attention back and Jisung mentally thanked him.

"We should play a game"

"Never have I ever?"

Asked Jeongin as he refilled his cup.

Chan laughed.

"If you want to get Ji drunk, that's not the game you want to play"

"Hey!"

Jisung frowned.

"We should do the opposite then, I have ever, and the ones who haven't drink"

Suggested Seungmin as Jisung facepalmed. 

"Why are you teaming up against me?" 

Minho giggled and rubbed his back soothingly. 

"Oh Jisungie don't pout, try it at least" 

He rolled his eyes. 

"Ok, I guess I can then" 

Felix nodded happily and pointed Changbin. 

"You go first" 

"Ok, I have... stolen something" 

Everyone except Jeongin drank. 

"Bin? I didn't know you had a past as a shoplifter?" 

Changbin laughed. 

"Look, I was thirteen and wanted to try smoking" 

Chan gave him a light shove. 

"That's even worse" 

Changbin groaned. 

"No, what was worse was my parents' reaction when they found out, my mother was fuming so much I thought she was turning into a dragon" 

Everyone laughed and it was Felix's turn. 

"I have gotten drunk" 

This time no one drank besides Seungmin. 

He turned towards the "new" people and showed his glass. 

"This is juice, I don’t drink alcohol" 

The three nodded in understanding. 

"Ok, uhm I have smoked weed before" 

Said Jeongin. 

Felix, Minho and Seungmin drank again and Jisung looked at his other two friends wiggling his eyebrows knowingly. 

"Han Jisung! Tell me you are not a stoner!" 

Gasped the freckled boy. 

"I'm not, these two are though, I just partake sometime to destress" 

Minho elbowed him gently. 

"Uh, so that's what you do in your secret recording booth?" 

Jisung laughed. 

"You know that's not what we do, it would stink too much, we'd get our asses handed to us" 

"Yeah, you're right I would have smelled it" 

The hand rubbing his back was now secured on his waist, locking him in a loose grip. Jisung leaned back into the touch, feeling the warmth of Minho's body where his shoulder touched his chest. 

Seungmin cleared his voice. 

"Ok, I have kissed a girl" 

Only Felix and Jisung drank this time, high fiving each other after the shot. 

"I have gotten drunk and woke up in Incheon the next day" 

Minho stated calmly. 

“What the hell?”

Jisung exclaimed surprised.

"Fuck you, that's too specific!" 

Complained Jeongin. 

"No one said there was a rule against it" 

Everyone drank not finding any excuse not to. 

"Oh no Ji, you're coffee boy is wild" 

Minho laughed at Chan’s affirmation, but Jisung looked at his friend sideways.

“He’s not my- No, wait, how do you even know it was him?”

"They were spying us through the door, they were so obvious, I thought you noticed them too"

Minho shrugged.

Jisung turned to Chan and Changbin in disbelief.

"You-"

"Okaaaay, next up"

Felix cut him off before he could lash out at his friends.

"I have, uh, fallen asleep in the library"

Jisung said the first thing that crossed his mind.

"Lame, I have fucked in the library"

"Yes, Channie that's the spirit!”

Laughed Felix while he took a shot.

"You're on thin ice Chan, you're on thin ice"

Jisung, Seungmin, Changbin and Jeongin also drank.

The game went on for a while and Jisung was seriously tipsy when Felix made them tidy up and get their coats to go out. 

He had almost forgotten that was the reason he came in the first place because he was having so much fun just being there. Lix was the last one out of the apartment, struggling to close the door with his fluffy rain jacket in one hand and his phone in the other. Chan kindly took them both and held onto them until they were about to step out of the building. He manhandled Lix’s arms up and gallantly slipped his coat on, which earned him a blinding smile from Felix. They all took a train and soon they were outside a bar, in line to get in. When they stepped inside, Jisung just wanted to turn back and run away. The stroboscopic lights, the loud music, the smell of alcohol and sweat coming from the crowd on the dance floor, it was seriously overwhelming.

He felt a hand holding his and looked up to see worried chestnut eyes.

"Sungie, are you okay?"

He took a deep breath.

"I am, it's just, a lot"

Minho nodded.

"You want to be alone?"

Jisung squeezed his hand tighter.

"No, don't go, don't let go"

Minho smiled and cupped his face with his free hand, leaning so their foreheads were touching.

"I already told you, I won't"

Jisung could feel his regular breath caressing his nose and that managed to calm him down.

"I'm alright, we can look for the others"

Minho pinched his cheeks and looked at him fondly, but soon shook himself and dragged him towards the counter, where they had ordered for them too.

Only Changbin, Seungmin and Jeongin were there.

"Felix dragged Chan to dance"

Explained Bin.

They nodded and sat next to them slipping into casual conversation. 

“Minnieee please let me go to yours I don’t want to hear them tonight”

Jeongin whined while he cringed onto his annoyed friend.

“How are you so sure that they’re going back to your place?”

“I’ve seen enough of Lix’s flings to know he’s exactly his type and did you see Chan’s face when he walked out his room? If that boy is straight, I’m Santa Claus”

Changbin chuckled as he took a sip of his drink.

“He’s not, I bet all of you twenty bucks that Jeongin is right”

Seungmin looked at him with a competitive glint in his eyes.

“You’re on, I say they go on a couple dates before. Lix is the romantic type”

“Poor Jisung he’s going to find his phone flooded with their rants”

Said boy just laughed, enjoying hearing his friend fit so well with the new acquaintances.

At some point Minho tapped his shoulder and leaned closer to him, speaking right against his ear. 

"Want to dance?" 

Jisung tried to ignore the shivers he felt climbing up his back and looked at the number of people squeezed in that tight space. 

Minho must have noticed his hesitation, because he soon added. 

"We don't have to if you don't want, I know me and Felix joked about making you come with us, but if you feel uncomfortable at any point, I'll take you home. No questions asked" 

Jisung felt something warm in his chest and couldn't help his gummy smile. 

He took Minho's hands and waved at the rest of his friends to warn them. Changbin whistled and Jisung shoved him before finally making his way to the dance floor. 

Minho chuckled when he stopped, not really knowing where to go exactly. 

The chestnut boy untangled their fingers and started swaying a little. 

"Here is fine" 

Jisung tried to imitate him, but due to his nerves he was pretty stiff. 

Minho rounded his waist with his arms. 

"You have to relax a bit, your muscles are so tense" 

He rubbed his hands to give him some kind of massage and Jisung had to stifle the moan that was coming out his lips. He loved to be held like this and he felt his body turn into putty in the other's hands. 

"See? You're already doing better, now you just need to move your hips" 

Minho let his hands wonder a bit lower and Jisung just did as he asked, letting himself move to the music, his body now glued to Minho's, following his movements. 

He raised his gaze and he found Minho was already looking at him, with such intense eyes. 

"Minho..." 

He whispered his name, just to feel it on his lips and circled his neck with both his arms.

“I should give you some lessons you have two left feet”

Minho broke the tension that had created with a joke.

“Ya! You just said I was getting better”

“Yeah, I lied”

They were so close to each other and he couldn't help looking at Minho's lips. He wanted to kiss him, he wanted it so much it was scary. 

He closed his eyes and leaned in, he couldn't put it into words, he was too shy to ask, but he knew the other would have understood. 

He heard him sigh heavily and his hands cupped Jisung's face as he left a kiss on his temple. 

Jisung opened his eyes, confused, had he just been rejected? 

The elder gave him a pitiful smile and he felt his heart sink in his chest.

“I’m sorry”

Minho whispered looking down, his voice soft and uncertain.

“W-what?”

The elder had always been confusing for him, but he never felt as thrown off as he did now.

“You… I… we’re not…we can’t…”

He kept taking deep breaths and interrupting himself, unable even to form a sentence and Ji could only stare at him, completely lost. They locked eyes and he was sure he could see the same fondness and hurt that was reflected in his own.

He took his hands and delicately threaded their fingers.

“D-did I read this wrong?”

He bravely asked with a hopeful tone. Minho took a shaking breath, then his face turned into stone and he let go of his hands abruptly.

“Don’t touch me”

Jisung took a step back, looking at him worried.

“Are you ok-“

“Stop. Han, we aren’t a thing, we never will be”

He felt his eyes watering and looked down. He had never called him that, never spoken to him so coldly, like he wasn’t even worth the air used to voice his words.

How could he treat him like that after everything? Why was it always hot and cold with him?

These questions echoed loudly in his head, he didn't get to ask though, because in that moment his phone started ringing and he picked up the call. 

"Hello?" 

He could hear someone sobbing at the other end of the line and he looked at the number saved in his phone. 

Immediately he made his way outside to hear him above the noise, turning his back on Minho and wiping hastily the lonely tear that had fallen across his cheek. 

He looked back once and he saw the chestnut boy stare into the distance, his expression still cold and emotionless. He really didn’t care then. Squeezing his eyes not to cry, he finally made it outside where he could check in on his friend.

"Hyunjin is that you? Are you ok?" 

"I- yeah, it's me" 

Jisung had never heard Hyunjin speak with such a defeated tone. 

"Are you okay?" 

He was sobbing even harder now. 

"I don't know" 

"Are you home?" 

"Yes" 

Jisung stopped a cab and hurriedly said his address. 

He wanted to get there as soon as possible. 

"Hyunjin I'm coming, are people still there?" 

He could hear his friend taking deep breaths to calm himself. 

"No, I'm alone" 

Jisung rubbed his forehead trying to soothe his own worry. 

"Stay on the line, I'm almost there" 

When the driver stopped he handed him the cash with urgency and told him to keep the change. He climbed the stairs skipping steps and he just prayed for luck to be on his side for once and not let him trip. 

He reached his apartment and froze seeing his door torn open and the mess present in the entryway. 

Cups, bottles and unknown drinks scattered everywhere, a pungent scent of vomit and some weird looking spots on the walls. Even the furniture hadn’t been spared, the sofa was upside down and there were some broken chairs beside it. 

He would have screamed if he wasn't so preoccupied with Hyunjin right now. 

"Jin? Where are you?" 

"My room" 

He heard him say with a shaky voice. 

Jisung opened the door and if he had been horrified at the state of his flat he was traumatized seeing the one Hyunjin was in. 

His friend laid on the ground curled up on himself. He didn't have a shirt on and his back was full of bruises and scratches. His hair was a mess and his face was red from crying when he looked up at him. 

Jisung forced himself out of his shock to help him and got the first aid kit. 

"Hyunjin, can I touch you?" 

The boy hesitated. 

"You can say no if you don't want, I just wish to clean your cuts and make sure you're alright" 

Hyunjin nodded and slowly moved to a sitting position. 

Jisung disinfected and covered his wounds as best as he could, then he tried to get him up to see if he could walk and asked him if he could breath. 

Hyunjin just stared blankly at the wall and did what he asked, answering just yes and no sometimes. 

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital?" 

He shook his head. 

"Ok then... Can I hug you?" 

Hyunjin pushed his head against his chest and started crying desperately again. Jisung held him tight and cuddled with him on the bed until he fell asleep. When he heard him snore lightly, he got up trying not to make any noise. He was beyond exhausted, but he knew he couldn’t leave the place like that. The door was unhinged, but he tried his best to at least make it look like it was closed. He put on a pair of gloves and cleaned as best as he could while trying not to throw up because of the smell and pushed the furniture still intact back in his place. 

When he finished it must have been at least 4 in the morning. 

His apartment was a mess, his heart ached and he was still shocked, worried sick for Hyunjin. Not being able to hold back his tears anymore, he slipped to the ground and hugged his knees as he sobbed.

Who said change was a good thing was a damn liar. 

The harsh truth was, change only brings chaos and now that the control he had over his life slipped from his fingers, he couldn’t run away from it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to know what you think! This is one of the most dense chapter plot wise, I hope some of the twists weren't too obvious and that you're curios about what's going to happen!
> 
> I loved writing the scene at Felix and Innie's apartment because it really reminded me of being with my friends, lmao I'm such a sap.
> 
> It took me a while to post this one because I just got a kitten! Her name's Paprika and she's the most precious baby in the world, I already love her so much <3<3
> 
> Anyways, enough TMI, hope you have a nice day!


	6. You can count on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Omg is that me updating twice in a day??? Instead of studying?? Wow, truly unexpected.
> 
> I never knew this song was by Bruno Mars? Like I must have listened to it so many times and I just realized it, lol.
> 
> Lmao, anyways, this chapter isn't really light either, please mind the tags, especially the one about domestic abuse, stay safe!
> 
> All of Jisung's important friendships and angst in this chapter, but I warned you in the last one, so you know already.

The following day was hell. He had to call a locksmith to fix his door, begging him to come, because it was a Sunday. At the same time he tried to put in order the rest of the apartment as best as he could. The walls came clean easier than he expected, probably thanks to his Cenerella moment the night before. The chairs however, weren’t so lucky and they had had to eat on the floor for a whole week before his parents kindly offered their old fabric ones, that they used to go camping. They smelled like humidity and cheap plastic, but it could have been worse.

Hyunjin wasn’t as easily repairable. He had been holed up in his room for days before he got out, only to go to work and close himself again. He refused to talk to Jisung, he only mumbled an apology for the mess he left, but Ji couldn’t care less. Material things were easy to fix. People? Not so much. Jisung could feel his heart break into millions of little pieces whenever he heard his friend cry himself to sleep every night. He didn’t know how to help him and that was killing him.

Chan and Changbin had tried to cheer him up when they saw him on campus, probably thinking it was his grumpiness, a behavior they were more than used to. They even tried to tease him about Minho but shut themselves right away when Jisung glared at them. As the days went by they could tell his eye-bags were getting bigger and darker, they noticed that he stopped humming random melodies and couldn’t stay focused on his assignments, every time they brought it up though, he just shook his head and told them it was going to be fine, even if he himself didn’t fully believe it.

And then there was Minho. Each time he thought about that night he felt like a lovesick fool. Of course Minho didn’t like him, even if he held his hand and touched him a lot, even if he brought him coffee and sent him cute pictures and goodnight texts. He did feel played a bit, especially when the elder texted him a regular photo of his americano with a lame joke the next Monday, like nothing had happened. He just ignored it, like he did with all his other messages, at first still normal, trying to start a conversation and then the one that hurt the most “stop ghosting me Sungie”. It made him want to cry, or scream, but among all the other more important things he was worried about, he found it easier to get his mind off of it. 

That Friday Hyunjin and Jisung both skipped the usual dinner, the first using the excuse that he was sick, like he had been saying all week and the latter lying, texted that he had to study. Their group chat had been dead for a few days now though, so they weren’t fooling anyone. 

The next Tuesday, after Jisung got back from work, he found Hyunjin eating a tub of ice cream in the kitchen. Christmas was just a few days away and he guessed it must have been on special discount by the sticker attached to it. Nevertheless he almost cried tears of relief at the sight, seeing him out of his room, eating. When his roommate looked up, he gave him the best smile he could muster and sat next to him, taking a spoon from the drawer.

“It’s strawberry”

Hyunjin stated.

“It would have been worse if it was mint”

Shrugged Jisung as he ate a spoonful, putting up a nonchalantly attitude not to scare his friend away. Even if he was itching to ask him more about Saturday, he didn't want to overwhelm him and kill his progresses. 

Hyunjin almost smiled at that and they continued eating peacefully.

“What do you have against mint?”

He asked after a while.

“Nothing against mint per se, but I hate that people try too much to make it work with chocolate while it just doesn’t. It’s so disappointing to bite into something chocolaty and find out there’s mint in it, like that’s a scent, not even a taste”

Jisung started rambling with fervor, exaggerating a bit to make the other laugh. Jin almost chuckled.

“That’s not true, mint is a taste before it is a smell, it’s not a flower”

He retorted and Ji immediately picked up on the debate.

“Not only flowers are scents, take sandalwood as an example, that’s a plant, like mint”

“Mint is an herb”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

“Same thing”

Shrugged Jisung, but the corners of his lips turned up. He missed their bickering. 

They went silent until Hyunjin spoke up again. 

“I’m sorry”

“I already told you Jin, I don’t care that you didn’t clean after the party”

He shook his head.

“Not about that”

“Oh “

Jisung found himself at a loss for words.

“I know you’re tired, I’m not blind”

“You shouldn’t worry about me, I’m fine”

Hyunjin let his spoon fall in the tub and turned to look at him in the eyes.

“No you aren’t, but you aren’t the only one”

The pink-haired boy said, his voice breaking at the end of the sentence. He took a shaky breath before he started talking again.

“You were right when you said I shouldn’t have let them have the party here. I-I knew that I wasn’t going to have fun, but she asked me so I couldn’t say no, right? I did at first, but then she would be really cold towards me, or say things that she knew would hurt me and it was so much better when I just accepted it. But I hated it and I had to lie to you, to all of my friends to cover for her. You remember that night I bailed last minute on dinner? She said I didn’t give her enough attention, that I spent too much time with you and that I didn’t love her anymore. S-she called me names and she told me I was heartless for doing that. She said I should have gone out with her instead, so I.. I.. I’m so sorry”

Hyunjin was crying by the time he finished talking. Jisung couldn’t believe he had been so focused on himself that he didn’t notice what his friend was going through. He hugged him tight and caressed his hair while the other continued sobbing.

“I didn’t understand how bad it was until last Saturday. She was here with her friends and when things got too wild I told them to leave, but they wouldn’t and she justified them, so I tried stepping up to her and told her off. Then she dragged me to my room and-“

He let out a painful sob and his breathing was so erratic that he couldn’t speak anymore.

“Ssh, you don’t have to say it, you’re ok now, you’ll be ok”

They cuddled again in his bed that night, Jisung let him cry against his shoulder and didn’t leave his side the whole night, watching over him protectively.

Things always got worse before they got better and he felt like now they had pretty much hit rock bottom.

The next days Hyunjin started going back to class and even though his eyes weren’t as bright as they used to be, Jisung finally managed to get some sleep back and a bit of his humor.

He hadn’t heard from Minho at all those days, but it probably made sense that he would have stopped looking for him after he ignored him like that, he probably wasn’t important to him anyways. The group chat also was long dead, so he felt extremely surprised when after one of his morning classes he found Felix waiting for him outside.

“Hey Ji, my twin, long time no see, how's it been' How come you don't visit family anymore?”

Jisung’s eyes went wide but he managed to wave back at him.

“Hi Lix, I’m sorry I didn’t come last Friday”

Felix shrugged and linked their arms as if it didn't matter. After all he didn't do anything wrong, it was just the rest of the group who crashed and he got stuck in the middle.

“That’s fine, I’ll forget about it if you buy me coffee”

So they ended up in the university cafeteria, sitting across one another at a side table, Jisung looking down at his americano with a frown. He hated that his favorite order only reminded him of the chestnut boy now.

“Ji, if you just stare at it the ice is gonna melt, isn’t it bitter enough?”

He laughed and took a sip.

“You’re right”

Felix sighed and drank his latte.

“You know, I’ve been worried about you”

Jisung furrowed his brows.

“Me? Why?”

“You left so suddenly that Saturday and you’ve gone radio silence since then, plus Chan has been telling me you walk around like a zombie during an apocalypse and honestly he isn’t wrong”

Jisung chuckled.

“Traitor, since when are you two close?”

“Well, you introduced us, didn’t you? “

He smiled.

“Fair enough, I should've known my favorite Aussies were going to bond”

Felix shook his head and arched his eyebrows.

“So are you done deflecting? Do you want to tell me what happened? “

Jisung took his head in his hands, having been caught immediately.

“I don’t even know where to begin, I can’t tell you most of it anyway, because it’s not up to me to tell you”

Felix looked at him intensely, giving him his undivided attention.

“So it has to do with Hyunjin”

“Yeah, he hasn’t been feeling well since after the party and I’m worried about him”

Felix stretched his hand across the table and gave him a pat on the shoulder.

“I am too honestly, I’ve never seen him so down. I’m assuming you know why”

He nodded.

“But you won’t tell me”

“No”

Felix finished his drink and leaned back on the chair.

“That’s not all though, right?”

“Uh uh”

Hummed Jisung.

“Does it have anything to do with Minho, by any chance?”

Ji almost chocked on his coffee.

“Just as I thought”

The freckled boy said satisfied, looking at him like he had just untangled the most complicated riddle existing.

“Was I that obvious?”

Felix rolled his eyes.

“You both were, it took me a while to notice because Minho doesn’t take interest in people easily, I mean, hell, he doesn’t even befriend people easily, even though he could have anyone at his feet if he wanted”

Jisung bitterly smiled.

“You're wrong, he isn’t interested in me”

Felix gaped.

“Are you blind? You don’t think that him always clinging to you, calling you nicknames amongst other things, is because he likes you?”

“If he did, he wouldn’t have rejected me”

Felix’s eyes went wide.

“Wait, did you confess?! Is that why you ran away?”

Jisung blushed.

“Not really, I just.. tried to kiss him”

“And he didn’t let you”

“Yeah, he said that we will never be anything. I figured he enjoyed teasing me and the attention I gave him, but he didn’t really like me like that”

Jisung mumbled, embarrassed to recall the story.

Felix rubbed his chin a few times, deep in thought.

“Look, Minho- he is… unique. You aren’t completely off, I think he does enjoy to kind of string people along to see how far they’ll go for him, but he always makes it clear that he doesn’t reciprocate the feeling and I’ve never seen him give all that time and affection to anyone. If I’m being honest I'm convinced he must've been hurt, badly, and that this behavior stems from that. It doesn’t excuse him but… you’re different and you make him happy, Ji. I want to see both of my friends happy, so please think about it before you write him off completely. He has been weird too since that night, you know?”

“I-I don’t…”

Jisung needed a minute to take all this new information in.

“He’s always distracted at practice and he asked about you, a lot. When Imentioned that Chan kept me updated about how you were doing he almost ripped my arm off trying to take my phone away”

“Oh”

"After he had to bleach his eyes from all the cuteness though"

Ji laughed and suddenly felt a lot lighter, the heavy feeling on his chest partially gone.

Felix got up and went to hug him.

“Just think about it alright? I miss you, all of you”

Jisung smiled against his shoulder.

“I do too”

When he came back to the recording booth after his last class, Chan and Changbin were obviously waiting for him. The Australian was standing against the wall with his arms crossed on his chest. Changbin was sitting in a more casual stance, but the nervous tapping of his foot on the floor gave him away as well.

“Ji we need to talk”

Said Chan assertively.

Jisung smiled and sat in his chair, signaling him that he was listening.

“Look I don’t care if you don’t want to, you need to talk to someone because if you bottle everything up it’s just going to get worse. We’ll fight and you’ll be even more upset and…”

He looked at Changbin for him to continue.

“If you refuse to talk I’ll force the words out of your mouth. I’ll break into a dentist’s office and steal his devices to-“

Were they doing the good cop/bad cop thing? His friends were really shit at interventions, if that was supposed to be one.

Chan facepalmed, probably realizing that too.

“Bin I told you to be harsh, not to threaten him with torture! We should have rehearsed this before, let us start again”

Jisung cut them off, the laugh he was trying to contain falling out of his lips.

Chan frowned, clearly indignant.

“Hey! This is supposed to be a serious conversation”

“I appreciate it Channie, I really do, but I already talked to Felix and I feel better now”

Changbin exhaled loudly and whistled.

“For a minute there you had me thinking I really had to knock some sense in you”

“Aww Bin, if you wanted a punching bag for Christmas you just had to say it”

Jisung mocked him.

Changbin jokingly hit his arm, but laughed with him.

“You know, I’m glad the first plan worked out, because our second option was to invite you to our apartment and get you so high you would blurt everything out and I had mixed feelings about that”

Said Chan grimacing. Jisung cackled.

“Your plan did not work, things had been resolved before I even walked in here”

“Sssh, just let us have this one”

Ji stopped laughing and turned serious, but still smiled at them

“I think I owe you two an apology, I shouldn’t put you through all my bad moods, you’re really great friends for staying by my side even when I don’t feel like telling you everything”

Chan smiled at him and hugged him.

“We are, but you don’t have to apologize, you’d do the same for us”

Changbin squeezed both of them between his muscular arms.

“And you can talk to us if you want to, even if you’re not on the brink of physical or psychological collapse, before preferably”

“Bin that’s really sweet, I promise I'll try, but I can’t breathe”

Said Jisung, his words barely audible because he was pressed against his friend’s chest.

“Shut up, the situation called for a group hug”

So Sung didn’t add anything and let himself be reminded that even if life really sucked at times, he found people who would always make it better. He would always cherish them for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, this is pretty dense, but it just felt right writing it this way. It kind of bothers me that the word count is half the usual length of the chapters but the next one is about the same so you could say they complete each other. I didn't want the main plot points of the story to be resolved in the same part, though, because I wanted them to have the same weight and importance and I felt that if I put them together one would have cancelled the other out, if that makes sense.
> 
> This chapter is also the first one I wrote on my computer! The first 5 chapters were written entirely on my shitty phone in a chat with only me that I use for reminders and then edited once my laptop arrived. Ugh maybe it's not really interesting but I find it funny.
> 
> Well, have a nice day or good night if you're an owl like me and you should be sleeping right now :))
> 
> Please leave feedback and I'll love you forever <3<3


	7. Break my heart again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you know the song you KNOW this chapter is going to be sad. I'm so sorry I'm doing this to you.
> 
> The Minsung confrontation we have all been waiting for! (no one has lol, I actually don't know if people are enjoying this but I tell myself that to get through)

Jisung closed his zip and rubbed his freezing hands as soon as he stepped outside of the train. It wasn’t that late in the afternoon, but considering it was the last Friday before Christmas, it was already dark outside.

He made his way towards the dance studio, a road well known to him by now and took out a cigarette when he was in front of the building. He couldn’t help but feel nervous and wanted to take a little bit of the edge off. He lit up and inhaled deeply. Maybe he should have asked Chan some of his weed, he was always a bit braver when he was high, or how his friends defined him, reckless, they had plenty of stories to support their theory, like that one time he had climbed up a tree to reenact a scene of Tarzan despite his fear of heights and almost broke his neck when he fell. The difference didn’t really matter now though, he just needed enough courage to confront Minho after he didn’t see him for two weeks.

He smoked, leaning against the wall. Jisung looked into the distance, at the lights hung in the street, his mind going back to the first time he had been there. He thought he had changed tremendously in the course of those months, even if he had tried really hard not to, but he found himself doing the exact same thing he did back then, for a similar reason. Except he was alone now, he couldn’t look in Minho’s inquiring eyes, or hear his airy giggle, or brush their hands together casually. He bumped his head dramatically against the wall, he felt so ridiculous it was embarrassing. He needed to just go in and get over himself, but he couldn’t really help how much of a coward he was.

His phone buzzed and he immediately picked up the call when he saw it was Hyunjin, after giving him the scare of his life he had been a little anxious about his calls in particular, so he never hesitated to respond, even if he was in class, which had earned him more than a few scolding. 

“Hi Jin”

“Hey Ji, are you home right now?”

Jisung looked at the windows of the building, trying to figure out his chances if he just barged in and searched their practice room.

“No, I’m actually at the studio, are you here too?”

Hyunjin had been skipping a few practices lately, so it wasn’t a given anymore. He tried going back but Sung suspected something was off, the few times he did go, he always showered at home, which wouldn’t have been weird if not for the fact that he never did that before. He started wearing baggier clothes too, although he didn’t have many and when Jisung noticed him wear the same sweatshirt for three days in a row he gave him one of his, claiming it got too loose for his body. If Hyunjin thought that oversized clothes couldn’t get “too loose”, he never pointed it out. Personally he thought his friend’s confidence had taken a big hit and that it would take time for it to reassess, but he tried to mind his own business as much as he could and just keep a caring eye on Jin. He didn’t want to suffocate him.

“I am, Lix insisted he wanted me to learn some song Minho choreographed, but I can’t keep up with them. I wanted to ask you to buy me ice cream, but if you’re here we can go together”

Jisung didn't miss the self-deprecating remark, but seeing that his friend skipped over it so quickly he thought he shouldn't investigate further. He sighed and took a deep breath before asking the question that burned on his tongue.

“Is Minho with you?”

He could almost see the grin Hyunjin must have had when he responded.

“Yes, you finally decided to talk to him?”

The blonde put out his cigarette after taking the last drag.

“I was thinking about it, but you said you wanted ice cream so I’ll just come another time”

Hyunjin groaned.

“I can go with Felix, you should come up”

“I don’t know, maybe he wouldn’t like it if I just showed up here out of the blue”

He could hear a few whispers and some chuckles at the end of the line.

“Jin, are you still there?”

“Yeah, Minho just went to the changing rooms though, so if you want to come say hi to Lix while I collect my stuff, the road’s clear”

“Alright, He would probably be offended if I didn’t”

Ji surrendered, finally opening the door.

“YES I WOULD”

The boy shouted to make himself heard.

“Ok, see you”

Jisung laughed and closed the call. Hyunjin wrote him the number of the room so he found it easily. The corridor was weirdly quiet and he thought that was a bit sinister, especially because this was a dance studio, but entered the room anyway.

As soon as he got in though, the door locked behind him and he clearly heard Hyunjin and Felix laughing from the outside.

“What the fuck? Open up, it’s not funny!”

He punched against the door trying to make enough noise so that other people would hear and help him, but considering his earlier observations he knew it was probably no use.

“Stop, you’ll only hurt yourself if you keep doing that”

Jisung jumped, startled by the familiar voice. He was convinced there was no one when he got inside but he couldn’t say he was surprised to see Minho sitting across the room, a bottle of water in his hand, panting slightly from the routine he must’ve been following before he arrived.

He looked at him as he let himself slide to the ground, his back against the door. 

“Are you in on this too?” 

The older shook his head.

“I left to change my t-shirt and when I got back they were in the hallway laughing like hyenas, they pushed me inside the room and then opened it only when you came”

Jisung scoffed.

“Typical, they’re like evil Santa elves”

Minho chuckled and looked him straight in the eyes, as if he was searching for something. The blonde held his gaze, but soon looked down at his feet when he felt his heart accelerating.

“Why didn’t you try to run out when they opened the door?”

“I- I guess I understood it had something to do with you and I wanted to see you”

He said while fidgeting with his hands, hesitant. It was weird to see Minho so insecure and honest, the opposite of his usual demeanor, he never thought he would have witnessed that side of him.

“But you don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to”

Minho added in a low tone, so much that if the room wasn’t completely silent he wouldn’t have heard it.

“Shouldn’t that be my line?”

Jisung joked, but Minho didn’t seem to get it.

“What do you mean?”

“You really want me to say it?”

The elder arched his eyebrows, encouraging him.

Jisung painfully exhaled.

“I’m the one with the unrequited crush here. You… you were harsh, but you did nothing wrong, I think”

Minho’s smile was bitter.

“I did do something wrong Sun- Jisung, I lead you on, I let things go too far”

Jisung felt a bit of his initial anger coming back to him.

“So you did notice? My- my feelings, I mean”

Minho nodded.

“Why didn’t you stop it then? If you knew I liked you and you didn’t, why were you so nice to me still?”

The chestnut boy closed his eyes and leaned his head against the mirror behind him.

“You’re dense”

Jisung groaned.

“What kind of answer is that? Why does everyone keep telling me that?”

“Because it’s true”

The elder stated, simply.

Jisung shook his head in disbelief.

“What do you-, fuck I can’t believe I used to think I was able to read you”

“You did though”

The younger laughed sarcastically.

“Clearly I didn’t, or I wouldn’t have tried to kiss you”

Minho gave him that look again, the one that felt like he was pinning him down, that felt like he had eyes only for him and no one else.

“I wanted it too”

Jisung opened his eyes so wide he thought they were gonna pop out of their orbits.

“WHAT?!”

Minho laughed and sat crossing his legs, like he had to physically restrain himself not to move.

“I didn’t want to tell you at first, but I guess I owe you some honesty at least”

Jisung held his breath in shock.

“I like you too, of course I do, Sungie, you’re amazing. I tried to contain myself not to show it but I think everyone figured it out except you”

“No, wait, I did! I just- I thought I had imagined things when you rejected me”

Minho sighed and looked down.

“I mean, I wanted you to think that”

“W-why? Why did you do that to me?”

He asked, his voice anguished with all the pent up feelings he had shut in an angle of his heart until they were exploding.

“Why did you do that yourself?”

He continued, his tone pleading for an answer. Minho rubbed his temples, looking really tired. Jisung noticed only in that moment that he also had heavy eye bags and his nails were red and bitten all over.

“I knew I hurt you and doing that to you devastated me, but I couldn’t…. And I didn’t predict it would affect me so much, not talking to you or seeing you, I hoped that you were going to do that, but then just going on with my life without you felt wrong. You ignored me and I deserved that, but it made me so anxious not to hear from you, especially when the few news I got weren’t good, I was worried sick and the worst was that I thought you hated me, that it was all my fault”

“I don’t hate you”

Jisung admitted frankly, when Minho interrupted himself to catch a breath.

“You should, anyone would be mad in your place”

“I was, but I guess you had your reasons for treating me like that”

Minho sighed.

“You’re too good to me”

“Is that your excuse? Wait, then I might be a little mad”

The elder chuckled.

“It’s kind of a long story and I don’t expect you to understand or-“

“Why are starting out like that? Can’t you at least give me the chance to see for myself?”

Jisung cut him off assertively and Minho looked him straight in the eyes.

“You… ok, you’re right, but Sungie please let me speak now, or I don’t think I ever will”

Ji closed his mouth, trapping the words he was gonna say next.

“Well, uhm, I- I was fourteen when I got with my first boyfriend. We were in love, or at least I was, he was four older than me, not that much but I guess at that age it did count after all. He treated me so well, he always offered me lunch, gave me gifts and other cheesy things like that. He only asked me to cheer for him at his football games in return, he thrived off the praise, and to be lowkey with our relationship. It wasn’t a problem for me at the time, I was young, I would have done anything for him. We were together for three years”

Jisung nodded lightly, to make him understand that he was listening. Although he had a very vague idea of where the other was going with this.

“Well, once I had a dance competition, so I had to miss one of his games, but I took an earlier bus to surprise him anyway. I felt guilty that I couldn’t go even if it was out of my hands. I got there when they had already finished and looked for him between his teammates, they told me he was still showering. I went to the changing rooms to congratulate him and he was there indeed, fucking another girl.”

Minho gulped and squeezed his flask tightly, his gaze set on the blank wall.

“I was so shocked, I couldn’t believe my eyes, so I went home and raked my mind trying to find something, anything to excuse him, even going to the length of thinking I had just imagined it. The next day I hung out with him, I wanted to talk about it, but I couldn’t find the courage to bring it up so I waited for a moment of distraction and took his phone when he wasn’t watching. I know that is an invasion of privacy and it can’t be justified but I was so confused then, so oblivious to who he really was. When I unlocked it I saw many chats he had with other people, some of them were his fuckbuddies clearly, but there were also other people like me, that he dated. Once I had proof I lashed out at him and we fought. He- he said horrible things about me, that I was a slut, a gold-digger only with him for his money. That no one would have wanted me so he was doing me a favor still keeping me around. I broke up with him, but he went around spreading rumors and lies, people started calling me names too. After that my confidence was at its lowest, I felt so undesirable and ugly that I couldn’t look myself in the mirror. I was always filled with self-doubt and I even gave up dancing, I changed radically and all the people who claimed to be my friends abandoned me. It was the darkest time of my life, I-I did things I’m not proud of”

He paused to drink some water and Jisung scooted on the floor towards him, taking one of his hands in his, wanting to offer him some comfort. Minho glanced at him, put down his bottle and gripped his hand tighter.

“I was able to pick myself up and get a fresh start here, but I really struggled to let people in. Do you have any idea how many times Felix and Hyunjin asked me to dance with them before I accepted? Or how many times Seungmin sat next to me in class and gave me his notes before I agreed to study with him? I had put up so many walls that it was hard to make friends again, even if I wanted to, badly, because I felt so lonely”

Jisung rubbed circles on his hand and mumbled.

“You didn’t do that with me”

Minho nodded, looking at him fondly.

“Yeah, not exactly, I tried to not give in but I warmed up to you pretty quickly, I can’t even explain it to myself”

Jisung gave him weak smile and joked to lighten the atmosphere.

“My mum always says I’m the kind of person you either love or hate with a passion”

“Glad to be in that first category”

The elder rebutted, grimacing when he realized how ironic it was to admit that now. He continued, ignoring what he just said.

“Anyways, I haven’t dated anyone since him. I tried to, but I either didn’t like anyone at all or scared them away because I was afraid, paranoid of every other person in their life, or I acted so coldly when things started getting serious because I couldn’t commit. I don’t want to fuck up other people like he did to me, especially not you. So my point is…”

The younger felt tears prickling at his eyes.

“you don’t intend on starting now”

He finished for him.

Minho’s face was just as sad as he thought he looked.

“I can’t give you what you want and I can’t ask you to wait for me, because it wouldn’t be fair”

Jisung nodded trying to keep himself together.

“I’m so sorry, I’ve never told this to anyone before, just… I hope you understand better now”

“I do, you don’t have to apologize to me”

Jisung closed his eyes and let go of the hand he was holding to hug the other tightly. Minho stiffened at first, but then he clinged to him and let his head rest on his shoulder. They both weeped silently and stayed like that even when it got uncomfortable.

After a while Ji disentangled himself and cupped the other's face.

“Sungie we can’t-”

Minho whispered, his eyes still closed.

Jisung shushed him and leaned to make their foreheads touch.

“I know I just want to stay like this for a bit”

He said softly, breathing against Minho’s lips.

They weren’t crying anymore, although Jisung could feel his heart aching painfully in his chest. He was going to accept it though, if this was the closer he could get to him. 

When they finally got up it must have been nighttime already. The door was unlocked and they climbed down the stairs without saying a word.

Minho held his hand again when they got out and tried to smile at him. Jisung couldn’t bare the look and he avoided his gaze, letting go of him reluctantly, knowing it was probably the last time he could.

“We’ll see each other at Friday dinners”

The younger said. It was supposed to be a joke to break the tension, but out of his lips it sounded more like a verdict.

They went opposite ways and Jisung started sobbing desperately, not even caring that he was out in public. He forced himself not to turn and see if Minho looked back at him one last time, that wouldn't have helped him move on. His heart sunk when he thought he would never know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just broke my own heart writing this, I hope you liked it though, if you want, leave a comment and I'll be eternally grateful to you :)
> 
> There's only one chapter left and the ninth part is a compilation of scenes that I imagined but ultimately didn't write in the story, a bonus we could say. It really irritates me that I didn't manage to post this before new year, but I guess I underestimated how much work the final chapters needed.
> 
> Uhmmm, have a nice day :))


	8. Me & You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This song has really beautiful lyrics and it feels like a song that could be played during the ending credits of a movie, you know?
> 
> ot8 New Year's Eve and fluff at the end of the chapter.
> 
> Good reading!

People say that the excitement that precedes an event is always more in the waiting than in the culmination of that truly happening. Jisung had always found that to be true. To this day, of his first recital in school he didn’t remember anything of the actual play, but it was still clear as day in his mind how his brother had helped him learn his lines, how he build his costume on his own and the proud look on his father’s face. Of the day he graduated he didn’t remember the moment he walked up on the stage and took his diploma, but he could still see the scene of his mother ironing his white shirt for the occasion, the ritual he had had with his classmates the night before, his grandma baking a cake for the lunch they were going to have after the ceremony.

Christmas was no exception. Jisung liked the songs, the sweets, cooking with his family and making the tree while bickering with his cousins. The 25th always passed too fast and he found that no one really looked back on that, but the things leading up to it anyway. 

Soon, after having left for his parents’ house for the festivities, Jisung was back in his own apartment with Hyunjin, who was rambling about his uncle’s new wife, like he hadn’t been keeping him updated on his family drama even when they were apart. He didn’t mind it though, it was a nice distraction while he was wrapping the last gifts he hadn’t had time to finish before he went away.

It was New Year’s eve and they were going to spend the night at Felix and Jeongin’s, just the 8 of them. Chan and Changbin had been welcomed into the group just as warmly as Jisung was and along the other five they fit like they had known each other forever, so it was only natural for them to be included. Because they wanted to be all together when they exchanged gifts, they had waited ‘till that day and of course, Jisung had procrastinated the most boring part for the last minute.

When his friend stopped to breathe, Sung went inside his room and got changed for the night. He was glad Hyunjin was slowly getting back to his chattery and annoying self. He still struggled, naturally, some mornings he still couldn’t find the energy to get out of bed, but his bruises were turning yellow and the only scarring he had wouldn’t be visible anymore in a matter of days. Jisung before they went to their families’ for the break had asked him to consider talking to a counsellor. Ji had one he visited a couple of times a year for his anxiety and he asked for more when it got bad for him from time to time. He gave her number to Hyunjin and offered to pay his a session, “as a Christmas gift”, he had joked. Hyunjin didn’t agree to it, but he didn’t turn it down entirely, so Jisung had hope.

They checked they hadn’t forgotten any packets and then they left to get to their friends’ place. Felix’s apartment was even more bright than usual, now decorated with Christmas lights and a big plastic tree, that was more on the tacky side. The flat had such a warm atmosphere though, that even that seemed better than it was. When they got there Changbin and Jeongin were looking at the gifts already under the tree, trying to guess what was inside. Seungmin was in the kitchen with Felix and Minho, the three being the only one able to cook. Chan was setting up the music and after greeting the other loudly Jisung went to help him, while Hyunjin joined the nosy bunch.

“Welcome back Ji, can you pass me that jack?” 

Jisung obeyed and smiled at him.

“How was your grandparents’ ?”

Chan shrugged.

“I’m always happy to go visit them, at least I get to play with a puppy when I’m there, I’m the only one who does that, he misses me so much after”

Jisung laughed.

“You’re putting a dog before your own family, I’m calling your mom, we’ll see what Mrs. Bang thinks about that”

“Please no, she already gave me an earful when I told her I didn’t pass my last exam, she’ll never let me live it down”

“I won’t make any promises”

Jisung said mischievely and then ran to the others under the tree to escape Chan’s threats.

“Don’t shake them like that Innie, it could be fragile”

Changbin scolded him.

“That is fragile actually, I bought you a new set of glasses”

Seungmin joked while he was coming out of the kitchen.

“I can’t imagine a worse gift”

Said Hyunjin, shaking his head.

Jeongin’s eyes lit up.

“I can, do you remember what Minho gave us the first year we convinced him to exchange gifts?”

Hyunjin and Seungmin laughed loudly.

“Don’t leave us out like that, explain!”

Jisung groaned.

“He went to the store five minutes before we had to meet up, came in with a cart and handed each of us a roll of toilet paper”

Jeongin started crying from laughter as well as the others.

“No, you left out the best part! Because when we all looked at it shocked he said ‘at least you’re going to use it’ “

They cackled so loudly they could barely hear the music.

“I WASN’T WRONG”

Minho shouted from the kitchen.

“WORST GIFT EVER”

Shot back Hyunjin. 

The chestnut boy peeked his head in the living room and threatened them with a wooden spoon.

“I’ll poison your plate”

His tone was so icy that everyone immediately stopped laughing.

Felix came up behind him.

“Someone should come and taste the food”

“And the others should wash their hands”

Added Chan.

Jisung got up.

“I’ll volunteer”

Chan dragged the remaining boys to the bathroom.

Ji stopped in his tracks when he realized that Minho was blocking the entryway tot he kitchen. They hadn’t talked or seen each other since that night at the studio, so he didn’t really now how he should behave around him.

Minho giggled, cutting the tension in the air.

“A martyr sacrificing himself for the cause, how brave”

Jisung put a hand on his chest and lightly shoved him to come in.

“As if you haven’t been stealing bites while Felix wasn’t looking”

“You know me too well, I think that’s starting to backfire”

Minho was joking, but Jisung’s smile fell a bit.

“I think it already did”

He whispered to himself, then he plastered another smile on his face and went to the stove.

Minho looked at him longingly and sighed.

“You’re going to make me barf, is this what I’ll have to put up with all night?”

Complained Seungmin, who had seen the whole exchange.

Luckily only Minho heard him though and he flicked him on the forehead.

“Ouch! That hurts! “

“I know, that’s why I did it”

Seungmin shook his head disapprovingly.

He too knew some snippets of what caused Minho’s trust issues, not because he told him, but because he knew some people who went to his school and they didn’t miss the chance to gossip when they saw them together around campus. He had cut ties with them since, obviously. However, that inconvenience also gained him a special place as the only confidant of his older friend, especially in matters that regarded feelings, which at the moment meant Jisung.

He had had a front row sit to his rambling after the fair, the nightclub and the “break-up”.

So that made Seungmin also the only one able to call a spade a spade and tell him to get over his own bullshit.

“Minho, I don’t even know wh-“

The boy stepped towards the couch and fell on it heavily.

“I already know what you’re going to say, can we please not do this right now? He’s literally in the other room, I’ve hurt him enough”

Seungmin sat next to him and shoved him a bit to make space for himself.

“The thing that doesn’t sit right with me though, is that you’re hurting too and not only because you feel guilty. I just… I don’t believe that you’re scared of a relationship”

Minho sent him an eloquent look.

“I mean, ok, you are, but what I think you’re even more afraid of is giving yourself a chance to be happy. I know you’re going to kick me for what I’m about to say, but I mean it in the best way, alright? I think you wallowed in your self-pity enough. Something shitty happened to you, it was awful and you can’t just forget it, but shouldn’t you be living life to the fullest because of it and not despite it? Are just going to live your whole life repressing your feelings and pushing people away? ” 

The elder shook his head.

“You don’t understand, I’m not ready”

“Look, you aren’t going to get better if you ignore your problems and torture yourself in the process. What’s going to change if you wait?”

Seungmin asked in a soft tone, patting his shoulder affectionately.

Minho opened his mouth to reply, but his mind was at a loss for words. 

Felix came out of the kitchen again.

“It’s ready, let’s eat!”

Jisung helped plate the food with the chefs and handed the dishes to the others. They ate standing up because they didn’t want the living room to smell like oil and spices the whole night and there wasn’t enough space for everyone to seat, but it was alright because they were together and Changbin said that in a few years they’ll laugh thinking back on it.

After dinner Hyunjin and Jeongin lost rock paper scissors so they had to do the dishes, while everyone else prepared the piles of gifts in the other room, along with bottles of alcohol.

Soon they were all sitting in a circle and the two complained they should open theirs first. Chan called them children, but let them start anyway.

Jisung sat on the floor, his back leaning against the couch. Minho was sitting above him, but lowered his head when the younger gestured for him to get closer.

“You’ve probably noticed you have only six gifts”

He nodded.

“You didn’t get me one? Should I be offended Sungie?”

He joked.

Jisung smiled at him, his eyes sparkling.

“You should be if I didn’t, but no, I just… wanted to give it to you when we’re alone”

“Oh”

Minho said dumbly. 

Jisung giggled.

“I’m not up to no good, I swear, it’s just- a part of it it’s a bit personal”

Minho felt his heart speeding up, so he lent back against the backrest.

Jeongin had finished opening his gifts by then and he was already putting a new game in the playstation to try it out.

Hyunjin opened his and started ugly crying when he saw they had pitched in to get them some decent chairs, he thanked everyone with a hug and put on one of the sweatshirts that were included in the gift, an item suggested by his roommate.

Continuing the 2000 line, Seungmin went after them and thanked everyone politely when he saw a new bag and a cover for his computer, some notepads and a cute keychain.

Felix and Jisung insisted on seeing theirs at the same time because of their self-declared twin status. The freckled boy had received some games and cooking utensils, plus a necklace from Chan, who got a kiss in return, while everyone else whistled and cheered for the new couple. 

Jisung hugged Changbin and Chan for his new earphones, Felix had gotten him some make-up and Hyunjin a new see-through shirt now that he was a “party boy”, he justified it to a blushing Ji. Jeongin and Seungmin gave him a Netflix card and he had nice words for them as well, but went completely silent when he saw his last gift.

Immediately he glanced at Minho, who was already looking at him expectantly.

“So? Did I get them wrong? Weren’t these the ones you liked?”

Jisung nodded with his mouth wide open and delicately took the earrings he saw a month ago at the fair in his hands. He closed his eyes, visibly moved and held them to his chest.

“Thank you”

He whispered, opening and locking eyes with Minho.

The older could see they were a bit watery and he ruffled his hair to cheer him up.

“Don’t cry Sungie”

He smiled.

“I won’t, I’m just really happy”

Minho had to force himself not to coo at him.

The three older guys opened their gifts as well, as the others started taking shots cheering them on.

Chan and Changbin’s were all music related stuff, while Minho received a lot of day to day use stuff, like paper towels or salt, because he still hadn’t lived that one down, along with some cute stickers of his cats. 

They played some other games and time flew so quickly that they almost missed the countdown to the next year.

They grouphugged and it became a bit messy after that as everyone went to wish each other a happy new year in a tornado of limbs.

Felix dragged Chan to his room to make out at some point and everyone else settled on the couch to play one of their new games.

Minho looked at Jisung, who was shouting at the screen while he waited for his turn. His hair had grown a bit since he’d met him and they fell on his forehead parted in the middle. He wasn’t really dressed up that night, but he couldn’t get over how beautiful he was anyway.

He slipped on the couch next to him and whispered in his ear in an allusive tone.

“You still want to give me my gift?”

Jisung shivered and blushed, despite knowing the offer wasn’t sexual at all.

“You want to go now?”

Minho nodded and Jisung got up to say goodbye. He couldn’t have denied him even if he wanted.

They said goodnight, grabbed their coats and some bags with their gifts before going out the door into the cold night.

The city was still swarming with life, unsurprisingly, and Jisung sang out loud a bit while they were walking back to his apartment. Minho felt so happy he even joined him when he heard a song he knew too.

After they left their shoes at the door, Jisung took his hand to stop him.

“Close your eyes”

Minho arched one of his eyebrows.

“Jisung if you’re going to come out in lingerie, I’ll take my gift back”

The younger flushed and hit his shoulder playfully.

“Hey! You’d be honored to see me like that, besides how did you even think about it? Am I such a constant in your mind that you see me in your racy dreams?”

Minho felt his ears getting red, but just laughed it off trying to appear natural.

“Come on, do you trust me?”

Jisung asked, now looking in his eyes.

Minho looked down, the words having touched a sore spot.

Jisung hit his forehead with his palm.

“Oh god, sorry, I’m already fucking up. Just… please close your eyes for a moment, I’ll be back”

Minho inhaled deeply and closed them.

Not even seconds later he walked back in the room.

“You can open them”

Jisung had a guitar in one hand and a rectangular box in the other, he stretched the latter towards him.

“What is the guitar for? Are you trying to serenade me?”

Jisung grimaced and sat on the couch to tune the instrument.

“It’s actually more… uhm I tried writing you a note to go with your gift and somehow I wrote a song instead”

Minho smiled so wide that his eyes closed. He was sure that wasn’t attractive, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Should I open the gift or hear the song before?”

Jisung signaled for him to sit in front of him.

“The song, so if you don’t like it at least you’ll have something to cheer you up”

Minho laughed.

“And what if I don’t like the gift?”

“That’s impossible, I promised you the best gift ever and I always keep my promises”

Then he tapped at the strings three times before he started playing. 

Minho was enchanted by the man in front of him, how his whole persona changed once he was performing, how his hands flew so effortlessly over the instrument. The lyrics, though, tugged strings he didn’t even know could be touched, for they were so deeply buried inside his heart. 

Jisung was singing about wanting to be his safe place, promising him to stay, whatever was the cost. He said that he could lean on him, that he would never leave. 

He wanted to believe him so badly, he wanted to trust him so much, but whenever he thought about them being together his mind pictured a hundred different scenarios of thing going sideways. What scared him the most was something he hadn’t had to deal with before either: ruining their friendship. After getting so close to one another he couldn’t imagine his life without the younger, he had had a taste of it and he hated it.

He didn’t know when he had started crying, but tears were running on his cheeks when the other played the last note and looked at him. Soon the guitar was out of the way and Jisung was holding him again. Minho always felt weak when someone saw him in that state, but Jisung’s presence was so reassuring that he let himself go completely.

When he stopped weeping, the blonde dried his cheeks and gave each of them a kiss.

“I’m sorry I made you cry”

“I hate you, you’re so talented”

Jisung laughed.

“Open your gift then, I want to see you smile again”

“Cheesy”

Minho did though, and unwrapped the present that was laying next to him on the cushions. He blinked a few times when he realized what he was looking at.

A pair of brand new dance shoes, actually in his size, that had colorful strings and some smiley faces and cat ears drawn on them.

“I thought they looked cuter like that so I personalized them a bit, but the paint it’s washable if you don’t spray I-“

Before he could finish he was cut him off by Minho’s lips pressing on his. It was needy and desperate and he immediately responded with as much sentiment. Almost moaning when he manhandled him in his lap and gripped his waist. They slowed down though and the kiss became sweeter, more tender. Both of them panting after it.

Minho took his face between his hands and brushed his thumb against the blonde’s now red lips.

Jisung was sure he hadn’t had that much to drink but he felt floaty suddenly.

“I wanted to do that so much”

The elder whispered slowly.

“I wanted you to”

They looked at each other and giggled.

“Oh yeah? Since when?”

Minho teased while tucking a strand of Jisung’s hair behind his ear.

“Since I lit you that cigarette the first time we met, you look hot when you smoke”

He chuckled.

“So you liked me since you first met me?”

Jisung shook his head. 

“No, but after the fair I was definitely a goner”

Minho leaned back, though he was still smiling.

“I won’t tell you mine then”

“What? It’s not fair!”

Jisung pouted.

“Don’t look at me like that”

“Why?”

“Because it’s hard to say no when you’re that cute”

Jisung blushed but sill stood his ground, exaggerating his expression.

“Can you tell me please?”

Minho shook his head lightly.

“Ok, but it’s… I guess I didn’t really have a moment. The first time we met, I barely paid you any attention I think. You were cute, sure, and shy, so I messed with you a bit, but that night I was probably wondering when it would not be considered rude to leave, because I had an essay to write after dinner and you got in the middle”

He booped his nose to keep him smiling, despite what he was saying.

“Can’t say I’m surprised, I’m not the best at first impressions”

Minho laughed.

“You really aren’t, but my story isn’t finished yet. The second time we met it was the Friday after and you were so late, do you remember?”

Jisung scrunched his forehead.

“I guess, kind of”

“Well, you arrived half an hour after we said and you came with a fucking puppy. I couldn’t believe my eyes, it was so random. Hyunjin complained so much because of that, because we couldn’t go to a restaurant, so we ended up buying something at a dollar store and ate it in the park. You were so fond of that pup you actually fought Hyunjin when he started rambling about how bibimbap at a Korean restaurant was so much better and spent all evening looking after him”

Jisung smiled.

“I remember now, I found him on my way there and he looked pretty scared. I gave him water and food, so he started clinging to me and he looked so at peace that I couldn’t take him to the shelter right away. I still visit him sometimes”

Minho took his hand and left a light kiss.

“I’m not surprised to hear that. See? That’s how it happened. I think that it was a series of little things like that, that you do and don’t even notice how remarkable they are. Like you snorting spaghetti out of your nose because you were laughing so much at that weird Italian takeaway, or that day you brought us granola bars because you wanted to go to a place a bit far away and said we needed the energy. I thought that by acting coldly I would have pushed you away before I could actually get to know you, but then we ended up alone that one night and after it, I couldn’t stop”

Jisung sighed.  
“Well, that is dumber than it is romantic”

Minho laughed.

“I told you it wasn’t a good story”

“I know it’s just, I think it just doesn’t sound really special, that’s how most people fall for each other”

Minho cupped his face and made him look at him in the eyes.

“Maybe it won’t seem special if you tell it to someone else, but it is to me. Look, I love the fact that I didn’t immediately fall in love with you, or you with me. We know that’s not what happens in real life. I did fall, hard, but it was bit by bit, because of how openly caring and thoughtful you are, because you’re a brat, because you’re a good friend. I fell so slowly and steadily that when I realized it I was already in too deep. All the walls I usually put up with people, you managed to break them down before I could use them against you and now… I just, I want to hold on to you. I’m selfish and I don’t want you to leave, even if I know I’m going to drive you away anyway if we got together.”

Jisung leaned his head to rest on the other boy’s shoulder.

“It’s not selfish and I don’t intend on doing that, I thought I already made that clear. There’s no way it’s going to happen”

Minho brushed his fingers in his hair.

“I know you’re sure of it now, but you realize it’s going to be awful being with me? I’m going to be too jealous and insecure and you’ll get tired of me, or maybe you’re going to get angry if I don’t want you to introduce you to my parents as my boyfriend and I’ll make you feel bad about yourself and I’ll never forgive myself if I-”

Jisung cut him off and got up to look at him.

“Minho, stop, you’re the only making you feel bad about yourself. Have you thought about what I want? I don’t care about stupid labels Minho, you don’t have to do anything you’re not ready to, or call me your boyfriend, you opened up to me, that’s what I care about. We don’t have to define anything if you feel uncomfortable. We’ll just be Jisung and Minho, we won’t worry about the future until it becomes present and we’ll see where the road takes us”

Minho kissed him again because the boy in front of him really was too much for him and now that he could he didn’t want to stop.

“I think we can try this, you and me”

He felt Jisung smile against his lips and then he connected them again, much more delicately than he did before.

At some point they started cuddling and Jisung fell asleep as Minho watched over him.

When Hyunjin got back and saw them he couldn’t help his smile.

“I’m happy you stayed” 

He said as he grabbed them a blanket and a pillow.

“I am too”

When Jisung woke up in his arms the next day, his back may have been hurting, but as he looked at the man beside him and kissed his forehead lovingly he thought that maybe he was wrong about waiting. It had been amazing getting to know Minho and falling for him, but maybe he preferred it even more now that he could do this. Life had changed and it was only going to change more in the future, but Jisung for once felt excited thinking about what the future had in store for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first story I post here and my first time finishing one as well. Am I satisfied with it a 100% ? Of course not, but someone I deem really wise told me you have to fail and do poorly to be better, so I'm trying to apply this mindset to my work. I have to study a bit tonight so I'll just post this quickly and write the long author's note in the bonus chapter.
> 
> I hope this story has kept you company during these hard times and that it made you get your mind off things at least, or even cheer you up. Thank you for reading it all and if you liked it, please leave a comment, I always enjoy reading them.
> 
> Happy New Year! May you all have a good things and happiness in this one :))


	9. Extra: Friday dinners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's really the end... I'll miss writing about these characters :((

The watch on Minho’s wrist lit up to signal him it was 8pm. He was waiting on the sofa in the entryway of the studio, painfully tired because he had just practiced. It was also the end of the week, so his mind was in an even worse state. He closed his eye to rest for a moment. He was really tempted to bail on his friends and just go home. Felix convinced Hyunjin’s roommate to join them again for dinner and if that didn’t already rub him the wrong way, he was late too, they finished half an hour ago and the boy was nowhere in sight. 

Minho had never physically fought anyone in his life, but he was ready to jump this kid when he would arrive, or his friends if they still insisted on waiting for him.

“Aren’t you worried? It’s getting pretty late, maybe something happened to him”

Felix was too good for this world, he even tried to excuse that guy.

Hyunjin laughed and shook his head.

“No, this is typical Jisung behavior, he either fell asleep, got distracted listening to music, missed his train or all of the above”

“So you have an unreliable roommate”

Stated Minho.

“Not at all, Ji is great, but he has his head in the clouds most of the time”

He defended him. He probably wanted to explain further but he was cut off by the scrawny motherfucker, who burst through the doors looking disheveled. His blonde hair pointed in ten different ways and he was breathing erratically, most likely from running there. His jacket was in his hands, bundled up and he kept his arms like he was holding a baby. 

“I’m so sorry!”

Minho really wanted to scold this guy, but refrained from doing that when he realized what the jacket was hiding. He raised his eyebrows, a look of confusion on his face. Why the fuck had this guy came with a puppy?

“I know I’m late I’m so sorry, but I found it in the streets when I was coming here and I couldn’t abandon him like that. Look! It’s so small !”

Felix was cooing at him.

“Sung you’re so sweet, is it sleeping? You think I can pet him?”

Jisung smiled when he saw the other didn’t hold a grudge against him.

“Uh, he was pretty friendly to me, but I fed him, so maybe let him smell you first”

Hyunjin groaned.

“Can we please do this after I get something in my belly? I love dogs too, but couldn’t you just take him to a shelter?”

Minho flicked him.

“You’re stomach is bigger than your heart”

Jisung laughed at a whining Jin, while Felix was gently petting the puppy in his arms.

He couldn’t help a small smile forming on his lips at the sight. They must’ve been a funny-looking group. 

“Where did you want to go?”

Asked the newly arrived boy.

“I wanted to go to a Korean restaurant, but obviously we can’t now, they won’t let it in”

Hyunjin said in a harsh tone.

Jisung glared at him.

“You really would have preferred it if I left it there? You can have Korean any day we literally live in Seoul”

“It’s not like I can afford a restaurant any day though”

“If you really mind it that much, me and Levi will find another place to eat at”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

“Oh my god, you already named it. You know our flat has a no pet rule, right?”

The blonde, who had seemed shy and timid until that moment handed softly the puppy to Felix. Then he took to steps towards his roommate and looked at him dead in the eyes, so angry that Minho saw Hyunjin visibly shrink in front of him.

“You are being a spoiled brat like the first time we met and this once I won’t hesitate to take your keys and lock you out of the apartment until you get your priorities straight”

The pink-haired boy lowered his head, seeming a little embarrassed to get scolded like that.

Minho didn’t expect Jisung to be able to step up to his friend like that.

The boy turned to look at them and raised an eyebrow, still with a threatening glare.

“You agree with him?”

Felix shook his head, his eyes were wide and for once he seemed at a loss of words.

Jisung locked eyes with Minho and he thought he could see his exact icy expression staring back at him. Then the boy snapped out of his rage and covered his face with his hands.

“Oh, god, I’m sorry I lost my temper like that”

Now he definitely made an impression on him. He couldn’t help but think it was a little hot even.

Lix laughed and took the demure boy’s arm to shake him out of his state.

“Don’t worry, it’s nice to see you come out of your shell. I’m with you, anyway. We can buy some things at the store and find some picnic tables to eat on”

The older put a hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder and gave him a reassuring look, noticing he was still kind of put off.

“They’re right, you know, don’t be greedy”

Hyunjin sighed in defeat.

“Ok, you won”

Felix and Jisung high fived each other and grinned.

They walked to the supermarket together and Jisung gave them some money to buy him food before taking Bach the pup and making his way towards the park. 

“He shouldn’t wait alone”

The freckled boy pointed out, staring at Minho. He groaned and handed him some cash.

“Fine, but you better get something I like”

Felix beamed and dragged his taller friend, who was back to his cheery and loud self, inside with him.

Minho easily caught up with Jisung and started walking next to him.

When the other noticed he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“Aren’t you hungry? “

The older nodded.

“We figured it was better if you didn’t wander alone at night”

Jisung’s smile grew wider as he shifted his gaze from the puppy to the boy next to him.

“Oww, you were worried about me?”

This guy not only showed up late to help a pup, but he was being cute like that? Absolutely uncalled for. It was way better when he barely remembered his existence.

“Felix made me”

He replied harshly, which was only a half truth.

Jisung’s smile fell a bit and he went back to petting the puppy, pure adoration in his eyes.

They found a table that could fit the four of them and the younger sat, careful not to startle the creature he was holding. Without overthinking it, Minho sat beside him.

“I-I can change seats”

The blonde stuttered. He was keeping his gaze low, not meeting his eyes.

Minho arched one of his eyebrows.

“What? Is it not comfortable?”

He could see Jisung was getting more and more nervous, his cheeks were red and his breathing wasn’t calm and regular.

“No, it’s- you don’t have t-to sit next to me, I-I know you don’t lik-“

The older covered his mouth with his hand, actively shutting him up.

“If you get so agitated you’re gonna wake up Levi”

The blonde looked at him with wide eyes, his face redder now, but he complied.

Minho let his hand fall and delicately pet the puppy.

“I’m sorry I ruined your plans tonight”

He sighed and locked eyes with the younger.

“You know, you do that a lot”

Jisung shrunk on himself. His head sinking between his shoulders.

“Oh… oh… I’m s-“

“You’re doing it again”

The blonde sighed in relief.

“Oh, y-you meant apologizing”

“Yeah”

The blonde nodded in understandement and they sat in silence for a bit.

“Why did you call him Levi?”

Jisung looked surprised at the question.

“Oh, uhm I like Attack on Titans a lot and you know they’re both orphans, its fur is kind of dark too, so I thought they looked similar”

“I kind of see it”

He smiled wide again and Minho noticed how his checks puffed up. It made him want to pinch them.

“I knew it! It’s so cute, it was just around the corner before the station and it was trembling when I saw it. It hurt my heart that such a small puppy was abandoned there, so I went back to the store next to my place and I bought him some treats and water. It trusted me so easily, I could have cried. When I heard my phone ringing I noticed how late it had gotten, so I wrapped him in my jacket and came as fast as I could and he kept rubbing his little paws on my t-shirt, honestly it breaks me to think I won’t be able to keep it. I didn’t want to name him to not get to attached but…”

Jisung’s eyes were shining in excitement but suddenly he trailed off and looked down, embarrassed.

“I was listening”

Minho said, he was even a little too interested than he would have liked to admit. Something about the way this boy told the story was really endearing and he was trying very hard not to smile.

“Sorry, I was rambling”

He shook his head.

“You have nothing to apologize for, if it bothered me I would have stopped you”

The blonde was obviously taken aback.

“Oh”

Hyunjin and Felix arrived in that moment and Minho barely talked for the rest of the night, glad to let his most extroverted friends converse while he was just listening. Jisung participated too, though he wasn’t very talkative either and his attention was mostly caught by the puppy in his arms, that he never let go of.

Minho couldn’t help stealing glances at him, it was such a heart-warming sight. Luckily, Jisung never noticed it.

———

It must have been at least a month in that they had the terrible idea of going to an Italian place. None of them ever had anything like it and Felix was obsessed with a cooking channel he found on YouTube that made traditional recipes, so when Hyunjin saw a place that was just a few blocks away from the studio, it was compulsory for the other two to accompany them.

The restaurant, if it could even be called that, was small and just passing anyone could tell you it was a sketchy place. The dishes had beautiful images that were clearly taken from google and they had weird names that seemed to be a mix of French and Korean, which didn’t make any sense both grammatically and logically.

Minho felt his appetite dying when he caught smell of fish in the air. He turned to his friends expecting them to be disgusted as well but they were happily discussing what to get and how they could share it to taste more things.

“You seriously want to eat here?”

He whispered to them.

Felix looked at him with pleading eyes.

“You don’t like it?”  
These boys were going to kill him one day.

He sighed and shrugged, so the freckled boy sent him a big smile and kept talking until they chose what they wanted and ordered.

They took the boxes and went back to the studio to eat, it was late so no one was there and because it was October they couldn’t stay outside anymore, it was too cold.

They sat on the floor in a circle, putting the food in the middle. Minho divided it equally and hesitantly took a bite of his bread. It was so bland and chewy he wanted to throw it against the wall to see if it bounced.

Felix and Jisung were already diving in the spaghetti and after they put it in their mouths they suddenly went silent and looked at each other.

“Oh god, it’s poisoned, I knew it”

The pair started laughing so loudly that Jisung chocked on the pasta.

Hyunjin was cackling too but when he saw that his friend truly couldn’t breath he ran to him, circled his arms around his chest and started pressing to help him spit it out. 

Jisung did, but some went out of his nose as well and when they were sure he was out of risk they were rolling on the floor laughing.

The blonde was beet red and put another spoonful in his mouth, making a disgusted face.

Felix groaned.

“Nooo, why did you do that, it’s awful”

“ I was hoping it would end my pain and take me out quickly”

Felix and Hyunjin looked at him with wide eyes, but Minho giggled catching his sarcasm.

“I can’t believe we wasted money on this”

Said the pink-haired boy, sulking.

“Told you”

Stated Minho.

“I never throw away food but this is not edible”

The freckled boy sighed, honestly disappointed. Jisung, who was still very embarrassed about what happened, started picking up the boxes and got up to find the trash. His awkwardness was endearing and although he had started to get past it now that they were all a bit closer, he still had moments of shyness. Minho found it really cute, but he wouldn’t have said it under torture ??

He took the remaining packages and jokingly bumped the younger’s shoulder when he walked past him.

“Try not to get lost”

He added, keeping his tone as neutral as he could. The blonde looked at him confused, but followed him in the hallway anyway. None of them talked while they were walking. At the end of the corridor there were some trash bins next to some half empty vending machines and Jisung stared at the few items on display as they got rid of everything.

“You should get something”

He flinched, not expecting Minho to speak.

“What?”

“You’re looking at those chips like they’re a five star meal, you should buy them”

Jisung shrugged.

“Yeah, but there wouldn’t be enough for everyone”

Minho shook his head softly, in disbelief. This boy had a heart too big for his own good. He didn’t reply though and they made their way back to the practice room.

Felix had already his bag on his shoulder and he hung up a call when they entered.

“Jeongin said he ordered too much fried chicken, so I’m going home”

Hyunjin sighed.

“I wish I had a roommate like him”

Jisung frowned.

“Rude! I’m right here!”

Jin laughed and put an arm around his shoulder.

“I love you Ji, but I’d exchange you for food any day”

The blonde escaped his grip and they all greeted Felix while he left.

Minho took advantage of the disruption to silently slip out of the room. He was going to go, he really was, but for some reason his feet walked him back to the vending machines and before he could process it he had a packet of chips in his hands. Hyunjin and Jisung were already climbing down the stairs when he reached them and dropped the snack in Jisung’s bag without him noticing.

He waved his hand as he surpassed them and sped up to walk away before the boy realized what he did. 

When Jisung texted him later to ask him if he bought him the chips, he just ignored it and sent him a picture of his cat instead. He knew that this hot and cold behavior was confusing him, but it was probably for the better. He couldn’t offer him more anyway.

———  
Minho was already stretching when Hyunjin and Felix arrived at the studio. The three of them practiced at least once a week together and almost everyday on their own, but this week in particular they decided to see each other twice because Lix insisted to record them and put a cover on his YouTube channel. It wasn’t anything major, but they did receive some views the last time he uploaded one of their performances, so he wanted to see if he could build some following.

“Hiii”

The freckled boy greeted him excitedly.

He just waved and kept doing his exercises.

Hyunjin let his bag fall to the floor with a thud.

“I was thinking-“

“That’s never a good thing”

The older cut him off.

“Oh, come on you didn’t even let me finish!”

“Well just say it then, Jin”

The boy sighed.

“I was thinking that we could try busking”

Felix gasped.

“That’s such a good idea! Why haven’t we done that before?”

Minho smiled.

“I agree with Lix, did you just think of it recently?”

He shook his head.

“Actually, Jisung gave me the idea. He said he’s done it a couple of times with his producer friends and that we should try it too”

“Oooh, he’s smart, I knew that befriending him was a good idea”

Said Felix as he nodded.

“You know I’m surprised he gets along with you two so easily, we used to fight so much when we first met”

“You mean with me, Minho must’ve talked to him four times since we started doing Friday dinners”

Feeling called upon, the older looked up and found two set of eyes on him.

“Well? “

Hyunjin shrugged.

“I wasn’t going to mention it, but he’s pretty sure that you hate him”

He couldn’t say he was surprised to hear that, he did glare at him every time Jisung caught him looking and he always spoke as little as possible, showing him only his icy exterior. He should have felt relieved, wasn’t this what he wanted?

“I don’t know him that well, he must be conceited if he thinks that”

Felix went to sit next to him, the conversation switching from casual to serious all of a sudden.

“I know you are extremely picky about the people you like, Minho, but why don’t you give him a chance? Do you have a problem with him? Because we don’t want to force you to hang out with us if you do”

He smiled at his friends’ worried gaze.

“I don’t, I think he is a really good guy, he’s selfless and he fits well with us”

Minho almost whispered, choosing his words carefully to reassure the boys without giving himself away. They knew him too well though and they could smell his bullshit from miles away.

“Didn’t you just say he was conceited?”

“Well, yeah, but-“

He felt himself panic when he saw Felix grinning.

“Oh my god”

Hyunjin, who wasn’t as quick, looked at them confused.

“What?”

“I can’t believe I didn’t catch that before”

Minho got up and power walked to the stereo.

“We’re losing time, we should start, shouldn’t we?”

“No wait, what’s happening, why are you smiling like that Lix?”

The older looked at the freckled boy with pleading eyes, begging to spare him. He was ruthless, though.

“Minho has cruuush”

He sang obnoxiously. 

A look of understanding fell over Hyunjin’s features.

“OH THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE”

Minho wanted the ground to swallow him, he could feel his cheeks heating up.

“Shut up and stretch you idiots”

He started the music and tried his best to tune out their teasing.

He was fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had an idea to use this as a second chapter (because these events happen between the first and the second one) but I ended up not doing that because it wasn't really cohesive and they are mostly from Minho's point of view. 
> 
> The first thing I wrote in this story was Minho's confession at the end of chapter 8 and I wrote the rest of the draft in 3 days, which never happens to me and it's part of the reason why I almost never finish my stories. Also I didn't have a computer at first so the first parts are clearly a mess and I think you can see I kind of got better in the last ones?? maybe?? 
> 
> Anyways, I guess the only right way to end this is give my definition of comfort crowd, which, simply put, are my friends. The people who I know will stay with me regardless of how badly I mess up, but that will also call me out on it. The people who I’m most comfortable around, that allow me to be myself, but inspire me to be a better person too. The ones who have been keeping me afloat this past year(s). So ultimately this shitty story is a letter to them. I really hope that my readers could relate to what I narrated and that they have amazing friends like I do, or that you’ll find them soon.
> 
> Please comment what you think and have a nice day!


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